Wanted to share the "highlight" of my week with you guys.

Yesterday after school the kids were playing outside. After a short while the youngest comes running into the house screaming like a freakin banshee! I cannot understand much of his fear induced verbiage but I do make out one word very clearly....SNAKE.

I'm thinking that he must be wrong. This kid is afraid of his own shadow, ants, ladybugs, cactus...you get the idea.

I run out onto the deck and look out into the yard. The dog is running around like he's on fire and he is chasing...low and behold a rather large brownish snake. The snake is "running" for its life and makes a dash under the deck. DAMN!

After finally convincing the dog to return indoors I did what any Mom would do after her mild meltdown...I called Animal Control. Seemed logical at the time. That's the kind of stuff they do right? Help freaked out Mom's like me with snake issues. One would think.

After explaining to the nice young man at animal control about my "situation" the conversation proceeded as follows:

Animal Guy: Can you see the snake now ma'am?

AM: No, I'm inside talking to you.

AG: Okay ma'am I need you to go outside and tell me if you can see the snake.

I want to scream, "ARE YOU HIGH?" yet I refrain for the sake of the children. I carefully creep outside via the garage look over at the deck area and quickly declare, "Nope can't see him"

AG: “When you look under the deck do you see anything?"

Now I am convinced that this guy is hitting the crack pipe. Does he really honestly think I will get down anywhere near the deck for a gander?? Man, I know I can be stupid sometimes, but PPPPLLLLease...I don't not have the word "Super Dumb Ass" flashing on my forehead. At least not today.

Animal guy continues to inform me that unless I can actually see the snake they won't come out to the house. He proceeds to tell me that I can either wait until I see it again and call back or I can call an independent snake specialist. WHAT?

I am flabbergasted!! I thought that's the kind of stuff they did. Apparently they can only "control" the animals they see. Great. What am I supposed to do when I see the snake tell him to sit?? So of course I opt for the latter choice he so wonderfully offered up to me. I cannot let the kids or the dog play outside with a big old snake roaming the grounds. And believe me for the sake of my sanity they HAVE to play outside!

So animal guy gives me snake guys phone number. I call snake man....and what should be a simple experience turns into one of the most colorful moments of the year.

Tune in tomorrow for the adventures of me and Snake Man. I promise it will be worth your while. Until then....take care out there.

AM