Okay, there are just some things in life I just don't get....

I was on the phone tonight, with my best friend. We have been friends since high school; she's more like a sister to me. Anywho...we were chattin'up all the usual girl talk...blah, blah, blah!

And then she says she wants to ask me something. Sure thing I say. Then she makes me promise that I will listen to everything she has to say before I say no. So, I promise. She makes me promise again. OKAY I PROMISE ALREADY! Geesh.....

She gets this really weird tone in her voice; it's almost a whisper or something, "Okay are you listening?" (OMG I wanna scream!) "Ok, there is this guy up at work and..."

Okay, I broke the promise right away with a fast, "No."

She starts whining, "Come on you promised you'd listen!"

"I lied. Sorry. No."

"You don't even know what I was gonna say." And she's calling me by my full name, in this nasal voice thing, that is giving me horrible flashbacks of my mother and childhood! I wish she'd stop! Someone make her stop!

Then I have to remind her that I have known her forever and yes, I do know what she's going to say. This isn't the first conversation we've had that started with, "there's this guy..."

So I give her my thoughts on what she was going to say:

There's this guy I work with, he's really cute, he's funny, super duper charming, witty etc....blah, blah, blah and I think the two of you should meet.

And of course, I am right. And I have to remind her that I hate blind dates..man, it's not as if the woman has been out of the dating game so long she forgot the horrors and hell of blind dates! She's only been married for three years, pleeeaaassssseee! And she knows I have a no blind date policy!

Yet she's still pleading her case, and I am still saying no. Then she comes up with a "brilliant" idea.

"Ok, if you don't wanna go out on a blind date, how about I have some friends over and invite him here?"

I reply with a "Hell no!". Those kinds of "gatherings" always end up being your friends (consisting of 6 COUPLES), you, and the deer caught in the headlights...your "date"!

No thanks, been there done that. Blind dates are bad enough...sharing the uncomfortable moment with some of your closest friends even weirder and more awkward. What am I to these people? Entertainment?

Is this the best she can come up with after all these years? I dare say she's losing her touch. I think the conversation is over....but OHHHH NOOOO! She's still going...watch out Energizer Bunny in da house!

She begins to tell me how she thinks it's time for me to start dating again. Whoa! Wait a second here...do I really have to remind my best friend of the simple facts here? Yes, apparently I do.

I have been divorced since my daughter was very young. I have since done my share of dating. My last relationship ended last May. Mr. Ex-Boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. Yes, thought he could be the "one" but he wasn't.Blah, Blah!

Since then I have been doing what I call "casual" dating. Ya know....having fun hanging out..if Mr. Right comes along that will be great, if he doesn't I am totally cool with that right now. And having a great time in the meantime!

Apparently this is cool for me, but not for my best friend, my mother, my brothers, my friends, etc... There's some kind of weird label your loved ones put on your head after a divorce. It's like everyone around me thinks I should be in a mad re-rush(don't think that's a word) to the altar!Oh no single mother alert...how could she ever make it without a man??? It can't be! LOL Ugh!

I mean geez, it's not like I am a million years old, living alone, with a bunch of cats, scaring away the neighborhood children. Not yet anyway! LOL

Gawd, do these people ever stop? Okay, sorry....ranting here. Sorry.

Anyway, just when I think she's finally got it...she surprises me with this....

"Ya know I was reading this book..." I stop her with an out loud "Oh God!" See.. little tid bit of info. on my best friend. She's a self help book addict! She reads them all.....on love, romance, finance, success, career, parenting, how to potty train your kids and your husband at the same time etc....

So she says she read this book, by some guy I have never heard of, some dude she saw on Oprah! (Thank Gawd it wasn't Dr. Phil! She likes to quote him, too! She watches WAY TOO much Dr. Phil! Cursed TIVO!)So, if she saw him on Oprah, he must know what he's talking about ....A Million Little Pieces Anyone??? LOL

And then she says it... can I have a drum roll please....

"Don't waste your pretty."

And there is a long pause of silence. Did she just say don't waste your pretty to me? What the hell does that mean exactly? So, I ask, "What the hell does that mean exactly?"

She explains :
(Hold your breath people...these are true pearls of wisdom from the Oprah dude)
She says, "You're young, you're pretty and smart. You need to use your pretty while you still have it. Time is ticking away etc...."

OH MY GAWD! Here is my best friend in the whole world, who feels like she needs to offer me dating advice (even though I begged her not to) and this is it??? Don't waste your pretty? What the heck does that mean? If I don't rush out and snag a man before my pretty meter runs out that I am doomed to live out the rest of my life as an old hag, who lives out the rest of her days wishing she hadn't WASTED HER FREAKIN' PRETTY!!!???? WHAT???

Mental note to self: Go to best friend’s house, steal all self help books, and bury them in back yard. Then sign her up for support group.

Okay, so those are the kinds of dating tips I get from those I love. And they wonder why I am still single! Baffling huh?

I ended the conversation thanking her for the enlightening heart to heart. She told me to reconsider the whole "guy at work" thing. I told her I would, but I am lying and she knows it. And I tell her, I will try to think of ways to utilize my pretty! I am sorry....it's just so damn funny to me! I am going to get loads of mileage out of this one with her!

Anywho...had to share that one here. So, if any of you out there need some helpful dating advice there you have it: Don't Waste Your Pretty!

I am going to take a hot bath and do some reading. I hope that the next few hours don't waste too much of my pretty. I'm kinda scared! LOL

Monday, Monday, Monday!!!!

Anyone else out there share my deep love for this day of the week??? LOL! Ya know, that beautiful sound of the alarm going off when it's still dark outside....reminding you that the weekend is over...and pushing the snooze button until you absolutely have to get out of bed! Ok, I am not the biggest morning person, and Monday mornings are by far my least favorite!

I stumble down the hallway to wake the little one! Unfortunately, she is not a Monday morning gal either. It makes for a wonderful cheery start to the week for us both! NOT!

I swear it takes an act of God to wake her for school. Now if it was Saturday or Sunday, she'd be awake at dawn! But something changes on Monday! It’s a mystery I have yet to solve!

Waking her up is a process....starting with a "Time to get up honey" and she answers by grumbling and covering up her head. I turn on the light, stumble into the kitchen and make some hot tea. It's on Mondays that I really wish I was a coffee drinker...could use the morning pick me up...but have yet to find my love of java!

Then it's going back to her room....this time pulling the covers off her, and saying again, "Honey, come on it's time to get up for school." By this time she's ticked off and the mumbles have turned into a firm "No!” After several minutes she finally rises...success number 1!

This morning nothing was right. She refused to eat breakfast and of course everything I picked out for her to wear was wrong, and not cool! I do not recall at 8 years old ever caring about my clothes or if I even matched, let alone if it was "cool"! But this has apparently changed since my day! And it's a battle I simply cannot win! Finally I find something deemed "cool" enough for her! Success number 2!

Now if I can only get her to eat some breakfast, but she is having none of it. Everything I suggest is replied with a "No, No! Not hungry!" I know she has to eat or she will be starvin' come lunch time, but I know that there is no way this kid is going to eat this morning. So, I give up the fight.

Finally, me and grumpy get in the car. It's a quiet ride; I see her snoozing against the window. And just as we are getting ready to pull into the school, she suddenly comes to life, with a "Mommy, I am hungry!" UGH! (Beating my head against the dashboard!) I wanna mumble an "I told you so!", but instead, gritting my teeth together, I say, "Sorry honey. We're at school now." She rolls her eyes and mumbles something I cannot hear, and probably don't want to hear. I drop her off, wave goodbye. We have successfully survived Monday morning! Yippee!

And we survived the book report fiasco yesterday! I was really quite proud of her. She pulled it off like a trooper! Sometimes I am amazed at how well she is under pressure for her age! She did a great job on her report....Mission Accomplished!

And I get to work at home today, which always make Mondays better. So, hey I got that going for me! LOL So, I'll enjoy the silence of Monday until the school bell rings and we start the whole getting back into the groove of homework part of Monday! Cannot wait! LOL

Oh Mondays! I am truly grateful that they only come once a week! :-)

Super Bowl Sunday 2006

Ok, I am really new to this whole blog thing. I have kept a journal since I was in junior high, and several friends have been pestering me to check this out. So, here I am....

I'm the single mother of an 8(going on 30!) little girl! She's the love of my life and I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything(Ok, maybe a few minutes of quiet! LOL), but there are days (like today) that I wonder if I will ever quite figure out this parent thing. I mean just when I think I have it all under control, my little one seems to have other plans for me.

Take today for instance....it's Super Bowl Sunday. I am not the biggest of football fans, but I do enjoy it. Every year on Super Bowl Sunday my friends and our kids gather for a big party...and every year I have a wonderful time. This week has been so crazy busy that I have been literally counting the days until... Super Bowl/Mommy gets to hang out with some grown up friends Day! had arrived! And finally it is here!!! Yippee!!!

I got up early this morning and made my dips and munchies to take to the party....went to church....took my daughter to lunch. It's a beautiful day here, and it started out perfectly! It should have really been my first clue...but hey, sometimes I am a bit of a slow learner!

As I was getting everything ready, and talking to one of my best friends on the phone, my daughter came running into the kitchen screaming and crying! My GAWD, I thought she was dying!! I hung up the phone and kept asking her what was wrong over and over, and her only response was the big crocodile tears and a muffled "You're gonna be sooooo mad a me!"

Of course as a parent, any time your child utters the words, "You're gonna be so mad...." your heart stops for a second, and you experience that brief moment of panic, and your mind races through the countless things they could have done to make you sooooooo mad! Finally, after 17 long tear filled minutes...and the thinning of what was left of my patience...she said, "I have a book report to do today!"

"It's Okay,"(with a sigh of relief, so glad the world wasn't ending!)I told her, "but honey it wasn't in your planner, so I am SURE IT ISN'T DUE tomorrow... to which she replied ever so softly, "Yes,Mommy it is."

I made a dash for the planner...I mean I have to sign the darn thing every night, there is no way I could have missed this all important book report assignment! I go through everything she brings home, I would have seen it!!! I'm always on top of her school work!!! Always!

And then came the deep sigh... Lo and behold... sure enough...two weeks back, in her little handwriting(Geez could she have written it any freakin' SMALLER???), were written the words: Book Report Assignment: Read book of at least 100 pages, and write a two page report. DUE FEB. 6th! And even worse....I had signed it! UGH! Double UGH!

So, here we are now. My daughter sitting and reading her 120 page book for the past 30 minutes, and me writing my first blog. I keep looking at the clock, knowing that there is no way she'll finish the book and report before kick off....or even half time....it appears the long awaited football party is a no go for her and I. And once again...I experince that moment, where I am asking myself over and over....How could you forget this one? How'd you let this slip through the cracks? Bad Mommy moment!

And I'm not the only one disappointed. Of course she was looking forward to playing with her friends and having fun, too! She just informed me that if she hadn't remembered today about the book report than she would have failed, and she of course so cleverly readdressed the whole "But you signed it Mom! It's your job to remember!" Ugh! (Go ahead Ash, kick Mommy when she's down!!!) I hate those moments...those moments when I have nothing to say...nothing to say because she's right. It is my job to help her remember...to be on top of it....Ugh! Failure!

So, I have decided to spend this afternoon getting life a bit more organized. Maybe with work,and her school, and PTA, and acitivities, and errands, and life in general...I have been letting things slip a bit...ok, not as fun as hanging out with my friends, watching the game(or the commercials), but maybe a lesson learned that I am not on top of it as I so often think I am!!!

So, I write this blog entry, knowing that there are parents out there who can relate to the "adventures" and "misadventures" of simply being a parent. Yes, this little book report fiasco is small, and certainly not life altering, even though I am in great need of some grown up time with friends LOL....the world won't end...and I am certain I learned a lesson...and that she did too....Blah, Blah, Blah!

And to all my friends who have been bugging me to check out this blog thing....here it is....when you all call asking where the hell I am today.....you can read this...here's your blog!