I love stupid people! Before you say anything, I am in no way being mean here.

I'm not talking about people who aren't book smart stupid. I am talking about people who have as much common sense as a stick in the mud, or dirt clod stupid!

(Note to Bloggers: Dirt clod is Texan for: Big chunk of dried useless dirt, which can be hurled at your brothers or friends, inflicting a nice sting!)

Anyway...I told ya'll that my Ex-Husband called the other day. Yes, people Hell has frozen over.

See, my Ex and I do not talk. We do all of our "talking" via email. This works well for a zillion reasons. God bless technology!!!

So, when he called a second time I thought it must be important. The world must be ending, or his sex change operation went amiss, etc...
So, like a dumb ass....I answered the phone.

Well, big surprise people....newsflash: the world isn't ending.

Now get this...Ex-Husband called to ask his Ex-Wife of 7 YEARS for RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!!!!

Come on, someone tell me what kinda dirt clod calls his ex-wife for dating advice??? Who????

I should have hung up, but my morbid curiosity got the better of me. I am a stupid, stupid girl! Maybe I'm the dirt clod here??

Anyway, after listening to Captain Dirt Clod's tearful plight, he asked me what I thought he should do.

My answer was this:

"You still see that therapist?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Okay, make an appointment with him ASAP. Tell him that you called me for advice, and then tell him you would like to volunteer for the experimental lobotomy project I told you about when I left your dumb ass."

And hung up. Stupid people. I used to think he was just stupid simply because he carried the title of Ex-Husband. Now I am convinced that he truly owns the title Captain Dirt Clod!

Don't you just hate it when you hear a song, and then it sticks in your mind like an egg to a sidewalk on a hot day?? It plays over and over again...even you get tired of hearing it?


I've got a little Peaceful Easy Feeling, by the Eagles floating around in my head today. And there is NOTHING Peaceful about it anymore! Ugh!


I've been trying to sing anything else in my head....even the Sesame Street theme song at this point would be a reprieve! Alas, no luck...What's the worst song you have ever had stuck in your head??

Mine would have to be an old high school flashback...Pour Some Sugar On Me, by Def Leppard. That was hell!

Anywho...it's Wednesday. I at least have that going for me. Shane hasn't sought out to destroy me today...so, that's in my favor too! Although, this morning upon entering the office, I saw no traces of the reward posters anywhere. Interesting!

Well, was hoping to share my "Peaceful Easy Feeling" maybe it will get stuck in one of your heads, so it can leave mine! Help!

Okay, we got the bear! Thanks to good old Jeff and Marcus! I'm so buying them Happy Meals tomorrow!

You won't understand this post without reading today’s previous "evil" post. Just a heads up!

So this bear...is decked out in little leather chaps and a lil leather vest! Oh My Gawd! If ya'll knew Mr. Clean cut Shane, you would find this very funny....pee in your pants funny!

We decide to take the bear down to my good buddies in the Marketing Dept. We all giggle. We are all evil!

We take Bears picture, we scan Bears picture, and we make the following poster (plus 25 copies):

LOST BEAR **** REWARD
Insert Bear's Picture
If anyone has any information regarding the whereabouts of my lost Bear, please stop by my office, or email me at: (insert Shane’s email address). All tips will be kept confidential. He answers to the name Big Boy!

Then we take said posters and post them around. One in each conference room, the copy room, the marketing dept, the sales dept...you get the idea.

We even posted one on my boss’s door! Hey, he's the big cheese, and he's got a sense of humor. He tells me I am evil, but a creative evil! Hey I wonder if that means I'm getting a raise?? Mmmm…

Anyway, it doesn't take long for all the giggles to float around the office. I'm sitting in my office trying not to erupt in laughter, when Shane pokes his head in my door.

He's got a death grip on the Bear poster, and he says, "Okay, funny. Where's the bear?"

I play stupid. I am so good at playing stupid. (I do the hair flip thing and bat my eyes)

"What are you talking about, Shane? You wouldn't let me see the bear remember?"

He doesn't appreciate my coy tone I don't think.

"Give me the Bear!"

I tell him again, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He says, "Fine, if this is how you guys wanna play fine. I know where you live."

I reply, "Cool, next time you come over can you bring me some roses, pink is my favorite!"

He may or may not have flipped me off! I deserve it. I make a mental note to myself:

Self: Buy something manly to send Shane to make up for your evil doings....something like a Ninja would use..or something cool.

Poor Shane. It's not bad enough that his new girlfriend sent him this nightmare today; he has to work with a bunch of deranged, evil doers, who are taking out their aggressions of Valentine's Day past and present on his poor weary soul!

Haven't met his new girlfriend, but apparently she knows something we don't about Shane....that he has a secret dream of becoming one of the Village People! I guess we all have our secrets!

Well, I think I have done enough damage for today. I'm going to go home and put on my swimsuit...I have a feeling I am so going some place warm!

Bear is locked up in Todd's office. We're gonna keep him for a while...you know for rainy days and such. Hope everyone is having a wonderful Valentine’s!

Later bloggers!

Oh, Valentine's Day...the day that all married/coupled people love and the day that is targeted to make us single folk look and feel like losers! What a great holiday! I wish it came every day!

Anywho, I walked out of the conference room today after way too long of a meeting. People round here love to hear themselves talk I think! As I wander through the office, making my way to mine...I am smacked in the face with Valentine's Day!


Every other desk and office is filled with flowers, candies, balloons, cutesy trinkets, and girlie giggles! I stop by a desk or two to say, "Nice flowers."

I get the standard replies....

"I know isn't Billy Bob the greatest boyfriend ever?" Giggle Giggle.

I'm thinking...isn't Billy Bob the same greatest guy that you kicked out of the house last week and who slept with your best friend?

Mmmm..Valentine's Day, the holiday of redemption. Even if you are the worst boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband the other 364 days of the year, life gives you one day to try and make up for it!

So as I am making my way to my digs, I start to feel that old familiar, "Geesh, no one is sending me flowers....I must be such a pathetic loser, BLAH, BLAH...please let someone send me some flowers

Then it happens. The highlight of my whole day!

I am walking by "Shane's" office. Shane works for me. Good guy. Funny guy. I poke my head into his office...I can hear Shane, but I cannot see Shane.

I cannot see Shane cuz there is the biggest bouquet of pink roses I have ever seen on his desk! There are some balloons...wow, someone really likes Shane.

I say, "Happy Valentine's Day, Kiddo!"

He stands up...gee there he is. I think these roses were given some miracle grow or something. Pretty amazing.

"Shut up!" he replies. I'm baffled.

'What's wrong with you, dude? Those are pretty flowers."

"Shut it" he says again. Right at this moment "Jeff" walks by. Jeff is one of the 6 guys that work for Shane.

Jeff says, “Ask him about the teddy bear?" Jeff laughs and walks off.

I look at Shane. Shane ain't laughing.

"Where's the bear,” I ask with a devilish grin.

Shane is squirmy. Shane doesn't want to answer. Shane apparently received the monster bouquet of roses, those cute lil balloons, and a teddy bear, that apparently was sporting a very cutesy wootsie outfit. Shane has apparently been teased and harassed all morning by the guys who work for him. Damn, I miss all the fun!

"Well, Shane she must think you're a great guy....from the size of those roses..."

Shane cuts me off. "Shut up! I told her not to send anything here. I told her several times. And if I hear one more word from ya'll..." Shane looks like this I am laughing out loud now.

I ask several more times to see the bear. He refuses. I beg, I say, "Come on dude, I ain't getting any flowers or bears today...let me just see yours!"

Shane doesn't budge. Apparently this teddy bear is hiding out forever. I'm in a great mood now. Yes, I am evil huh? I thought this day was makin me miserable, but alas, Shane is right there with me. For much different reasons of course, but still the same.

I say good-bye, and continue to walk to my office. There are the guys that work for him, and we all share a giggle over Shane. Shane is so uncomfortable that it makes this all the funnier. I walk up to the guys,"Hey, free lunch tomorrow for whoever finds and brings me the bear!"

Hey, I need something in my life to make this day worth while!

Happy Valentine's Day to all my fellow bloggers!

UGH! Can't sleep, Can't sleep, and Can’t sleep!

I hate this. I get little bouts of insomnia from time to time...and tonight is one of those nights! Must have been the 2 hour shower with the new shower head! Gonna have to lay low with that baby for a while! Just joshin'...not really!

So I was chatting it up with a friend tonight, and we were talkin about one of my favorite shows...My Name Is Earl! GAWD, I love my Earl! That show and The Office are the highlights of my sad Thursday nights! (Come on....tell me I need to get a life....Dare ya!)

Anyway, we were talking about what it would be like if we had our own Karma Earl list. You will only understand this blog if you watch the show.

So it got me to thinkin' (as I sit here not being able to sleep for the love of God!) about what would be on my Karma list.

OH GAWD...the list is growing like a wildfire on a hot dry California day. It's amazing what one can think of...things you would have to make right if you were all into the Earl Karma thing...my list is getting longer with each breath! No wonder I couldn't get that damn shower head installed...damn karma!

So, my fellow bloggers...for those who know the show...what would be on your list??? Things that make you go Mmmm....

I will list some of mine tomorrow...when I am not so tired that my eyes are meeting in the middle of my uni-brow! LOL

Good Night. Wish me sleep. If not, you guys are going to have some really wacky blogs tomorrow from a sleep deprived grumpy cross eyed woman! And you should be afraid! Berry, Berry Afraid!!!!!