How do you know if you are a good friend?

I learned the answer to this last night.

I was sound asleep when the door bell rang at 2:30 a.m.! Now this is enough to scare the crap out of anyone, let alone a single girl!

I stumbled to the door, and was afraid to open it. I mean who in the heck could be ringing my bell at this wee hour?

Where's a man and a shot gun when you need one??

I peek out the front window, and see a cab parked out front. I turn on the porch light and stand there for a minute.

Should I answer the door? What if it's some escaped lunatic, who hijacked a cab, is out looking for his next victim, and is now at my front door?

All of the sudden I hear in a booming voice...

AM?? AM??? It's me. It's me Rob. Open the door.

For those of you who don't know Rob is one of my oldest and best friends. We've been friends since High School.

I open the door and Rob literally falls into the entrance way. CRASH!

Rob: (face down in the floor) Hey, AM!

AM: What the hell are you doing?

Rob: I needed a cab because I didn't think I should be driving.

AM: Duh!

He peels himself off the floor, and leans into the wall as if it will hold him up somehow.

Rob is drunk. No, let me rephrase... Rob is TRASHED!

AM: Did you pay the cabbie?

Rob: Yeah, I think so. Yeah I did. I did.

AM: Then why in the world is he staring at us?

Rob: Dunno.

Great. This is fun. About as much fun as a lobotomy! I dash down the sidewalk in my flannels to the cabbie window.

AM: Sir did he pay you?

Cabbie: Yeah he paid me.

He's just sitting there looking at me weird. He's kinda creepin' me out.

AM: Ok then. Anything else you need?

Cabbie: No, he is just so drunk that I wanted to make sure someone was home and that he actually had the right house.

AM: Thanks.

Nice cabbie. However I think he was more interested in the pure entertainment of Rob more than anything. The guy was a mess.

We get inside. I help him stumble into the kitchen and make him sit down.

It's always "fun" to be around drunk people when you are sober. They make little to no sense, but they think everything they say is funny and profound! You can only understand about every other word, and you get dizzy just watching them sway back and forth!

Rob: Did I wake you?

AM:

Rob: You got company?

AM: No. Doodlebug is at Grandmas.

Rob: No, I mean ...you got company? (giggle, giggle)

AM: No wise ass, I don't have "company".

Rob: You got something to eat?

AM: Does this look like Ihop to you?

Rob: giggle, giggle, followed by another million annoying giggles.

AM: I get the whole taking a cab thing, but dude why are you at my house?

Rob: Lost my keys. I think.

AM: You think?

Rob: Yup. So I can't get in the house. I figured you were closest.

Lucky me! Yay AM!

Rob: Got a beer?

AM: You ain't having any more beer moron. I think you've had enough beer to get you through the coming year.

Rob gets up and tries to give me a hug.

Rob: Come on let's have a beer.

AM: Dude you stink. You smell like someone peed in an ashtray and dipped you in it.

Rob: I stink?

AM:

AM: Sit down. I'll make you something to eat, but you are not having any more liquids! Ya hear me?

Rob:

So, here I am at 3 am, making breakfast for the drunken wonder I call my best friend. He spends the whole time talking non stop about things I won't even describe here. I'll save you the pain.

Rob: I really stink? *sniffing his arm pits*

AM:

Rob's a pretty boy. I should have known better than to tell a pretty boy he stank the bejesus! He'll never let it go.

He refers to the whole stink thing a good zillion times. He finds it necessary to remind me of how many women tell him he smells soooo good, and tries to inform me of his numerous lady swooning colognes.

Gawd someone just come and kick me in the head. Twice.

I put a plate of bacon, eggs, pancakes and OJ in front of him. He devours this with the grace of a cave man!

AM: Chew man! Chew!

Rob: Gulp, Slurp, Burp

AM:

I've never seen him this drunk. He's really not much of a drinker. I think this just might be the reason why. Pretty boy is a freaking mess.

After he finishes slopping his food like a pig in a pen...I make him a bed on the couch. He's ten seconds from passing out. I cover him up. He winks at me and says, "You're the best kiddo. I love you."

AM: Thanks. I love you too. Sleep well my friend.

I stumble back into my room. I take satisfaction knowing that even though I will be tired tomorrow, I will in no way come close to feeling as crappy as the pretty stinky boy whose passed out in his own drool on my couch!

Good friends people. We all need to be one, and we all need to have some.

One would think that in all the years I spent taking dance lessons I would have somehow acquired at least a little grace and poise. One would think. Yet, apparently I have the grace of an elephant.

Last night I went out with Adam. He took me to the coolest place for dinner. It has the most beautiful patio, wooden deck, waterfalls, soft lights everywhere, lush plants....it was a great setting for a date. A great setting unless you are me!

We had a wonderful dinner and some great wine. We decided we were going to go see some friends of his and so we got up to leave.

That should be the end of this segment of the evening. BUT OH NO!
AM to the rescue!

We were walking along the deck making our way out amongst the tables. He was in front of me, I was holding his hand (thank God for this) when all of the sudden....

I went to take my next step, and some "unknown" force pulled me back, and then sent me toppling over into a table of four people. Sideways! Arms flailing about, I'm certain I resemble someone having a seizure! What the hell?

So here I am, half way in some strange dudes lap! *awkward smile*

His girlfriend is shooting death rays across the table at me. I want to say to her, "Sweetie your man is just so HOT that I couldn't stop myself from jumping into his lap!" UGH!

And everyone on the patio is looking at me.

Way to go AM! *golf clap*

Adam turns around with a look of

Adam: You okay? Must have been the wine. (giggle, giggle)

He's trying to help me up and I realize I am stuck....well the heel of my pretty black shoe is stuck. Stuck in-between the planks of patio wood!

So he bends down to try and get it out as I make nervous apologies to the table of people I just CRASHED into. I'd love to grab the bottle of wine at the table and just start chugging it to rid myself of the embarrassment!

It feels like an eternity.

Adam: AM, I don't think it's coming out.

What do you mean it won't come out? Put some muscle into it boy! By this time it appears we have become the evening’s dinner entertainment. Apparently they didn't know that dinner came with a "show"! Bonus for them.

Cursed shoes! I love these shoes. Sexy little black strappy heels that I simply adore as only a woman could! In lieu of present situation I should have skipped sexy and gone for flip flops!


So I awkwardly maneuver my way out of the shoe. One shoe on, one shoe STUCK in the patio abyss! Adam is yanking and pulling to no avail. It's as if the shoe is taunting us, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!"

AM: Let me try.

I'll get that damn shoe out. Ain't no shoe gonna ruin my perfect evening with Mr. Eye Candy! OH HELL NO!

In hind sight I just should have walked away and left the shoe there. But I am a stupid, stupid girl!

I yank. I pull. I am calling it names in my head that would make sailors blush. I am doing all of this while on all fours, trying to be "lady like" in my new cute skirt. Should of worn pants! *shaking head*

I give it one last pull that finally frees the evil shoe, but sends its owner flying backwards, toppling over into a beautiful little plant, causing her to now flash the table she had just crashed into.

I want to die.

Adam hurriedly helps me up. He's trying to be a gentleman; he's trying not to laugh.

Adam: You ok? Sorry, I'm not laughing AT YOU...really, it's just...

AM: I know, I know.

We stand up amidst the stares of countless people who are no doubt wondering the exact same thing I am...WHAT THE HELL??

Adam: Give me your other shoe.

AM: What?

Adam: Give me your other shoe. We still have quite a ways to walk across the patio and it's better to be safe than sorry.

At this point he's laughing to the point he has a tear streaming down his cheek. I'm thinking how GLAD I am that I amuse my date so much.

I give him the other shoe.

We make our exit, barefooted! I am now blushed to the point of no return.

Adam puts his arm around me.

"It's okay AM. It could happen to anyone."

Who is this guy kidding? He hasn't known me very long. It "couldn't" happen to anyone...it happens to me. I should really come with a warning label.

Adam: By the way, great choice in panties tonight....they coordinate excellent with the color in your cheeks right now!



Oh Lord please help me!

I'm truly glad that my date has a sense of humor. You'd have to if you were dating me. I should warn him that it wasn't the first time I made an idiot out of myself, and that it will in no way be the last time.

I decide to keep that to myself. They boy will learn soon enough.

Mom and Dad, call the dance studio. Tell them you got ripped off. No ballerina here!

I stumbled across this picture today, and I just had to share it with ya'll! This sums up how I have felt all week long!



And because I have been dealing with "those" people all week long I was thinking I should follow the advice of this sign, before I GO CRAZY and do something I might regret!



Hope everyone has a great Friday night! I'm off to go get ready for my date with Mr. Eye Candy! Toodles!

Okay, Doodle Bug is officially banned from accepting anymore gifts from Grandma!

Grandma gave Doodle Bug Window Markers this past weekend. She thought it'd be a great way for Doodle Bug to express her creative talents (in a washable way) after the whole painting fiasco!

This is great in theory. I STRESS the word theory folks!

This would be great in theory if Doodle Bug had not used said markers on every window pane and mirror in the house. And much to my dismay the car windows as well! Heaven forbid they feel left out!

This would be great in theory if Doodle Bug had not written the same thing on each window pane......

Momma is a Big Poopy Turd!

This would be great in theory if she had spelled the word "Turd" correctly. Instead it's "Teard"!

This would be great in theory had she not illustrated above mentioned statement with what resembles a "Turd" with stick legs and what I am hoping are eyes!

This would be great in theory had my employees not come to my office to share the following conversation:

Guys: AM, we have a gift for you.

AM: No thanks. No gift needed here.

Guys: Come on, this will make your day.

AM: *shaking head*

Guys present to me what appears to be a prune, with tooth picks for legs, and a little sign that reads: Little Poopy "Teard"!

AM: *Gasp*

Guys:

AM: OH GAWD! How in the world did you know about this?

Guys: AM, the car wash is your friend. You should visit it every once in a while.

AM:

Guys: We figured that Momma Poopy "Teard" would be lonely without Baby Poopy "Teard"!

AM:

Guys: *Giggle* *Giggle*

The misspelling of this word seems to amuse these brainless twits all the more!

Just freakin' great! It's not bad enough that "Dan", my client brought the fish in this week. I've been hearing the lame fish jokes all week.

Staff: Something smells fishy, Nah it's just AM!

Staff: Hey AM whatcha have for dinner last night? Never mind your breath gives it away!

Staff: Hey AM, you know what they say....smells like fish, taste like chicken!

AM:

Somebody just shoot me! Now I am going to be known as the "Fish Lady" and a Big Poopy "Teard"! How many miles are they going to get out of this one????

Night Bug, I know I vowed that I wouldn't do this after my bad karma return last week, but I have to. I fear "Big Boy Bear" is going to make his evil return to office society tomorrow! I am determined to spend the rest of my night plotting my evil plan. I know I shall kick my own ass next week, but I have to get the heat off myself. I fear they have been given way too much ammo this week.

Well, Little Poopy "Teard" needs to eat.

Big Momma Poopy "Teard" out!

This is my life people. Someone please send help soon. Pretty, pretty please!

Well, well....

I had a great night. I mean it could not have gone any better. There's nothing the office idiots can do to ruin my mood today! Bring it on!

"Adam" and I had a groovy night together! It was just peachy!
*doing Pee-Wee Herman dance*

First of all he and I have already gone out a few times. We've always had a good time. But the past few weeks as ya'll know have been a bit on the insane side! Just a wee bit! So, I had not seen him, but we have been talking.

"Adam" is adorable. He's sweet and so funny. He and I share the exact sense of humor. Scary isn't it? I know.

He showed up last night looking yummy as always. "Adam" is about 6 feet tall, dark hair and eyes, and the boy has a smile that can melt butter! Man, there is nothing better than a boy with a beautiful smile! *fanning myself*

He showed up with a bottle of wine, and a gift; one of the most thoughtful gifts a "boy" has ever given me.

I'm an avid reader. A complete book worm geek! Most of the guys I have dated stopped reading when they graduated college. Or the extent of their reading was the current issue of Maxim whilst they sat on the throne!

"Adam" brought me a book. I know it sounds nerdy, but it's so cool. I had told him on our first date about my favorite author. I mentioned it in passing. Well, he brought me a collection of this authors work!

This is so cool for many reasons. First of all it's just plain thoughtful. Second of all it means he actually pays attention when I talk! Yay! Someone actually listens when I speak....you wouldn't know it if you spent a day with me up here at the office from HELL! So anywho, Adam started the night out on a great note. The boy could do no wrong!

We spent the night (until 2 a.m.) drinking wine and talking. There were times I was laughing so hard I was afraid I'd wet my britches! That might have put an end to the night! LOL!

It was just easy hanging out with him. Some people just have a way of making you feel comfortable. "Adam" has that way.

And the boy is an amazing kisser! The kind of boy you could kiss for hours or days even!!!!! I love a good kisser. It's oh so important.

Can't date a bad kisser. *shaking my head* And we've all had one or two of those right? You know the kisser who sticks their tongue so far down your throat it's as if they are checking to see what you ate for breakfast! I've even had a "kisser" who would randomly lick my face! Ewww!

No, at my age, good kissing is a must. Lack of this talent has kicked many a date to the curb. I know...it sounds mean....but sorry I cannot budge on this requirement!

It was a great night. Grown up conversation (thought I'd lost that ability), lots of laughing (been in dire need of this!), lots of good kissing (man, it's been too long), and all in all a great night, with a great boy!

I've been afraid to get back into the dating scene. I didn't want to admit it, but I was. And now I'm asking myself...

Self....WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???? *smacking myself*

Going out with "Adam" tomorrow night. Not sure yet what we will do, but I don't really care. It's time I get off my ass, and start enjoying some time with the opposite sex again. It's been too damn long!