Spring is here! At least in Texas anyway!

We have to enjoy Spring down here because in a month or two we will jump right into the blazing Texas Summer. If you blink you will miss it!

Doodlebug and I have spent our morning outside. I just love this time of year. I did not however "love" what I found when I went to wash the car.

A few weeks ago I was stupid enough to buy something for my daughter.*shaking head*

She had seen it advertised on TV (should have been clue#1) and every time we went to the store, she kept telling me how many of her friends had it (clue #2), and how very "cool" it was. (Clue#3)

All the obvious signs were smacking me in the head and screaming, "Do Not, I repeat DO NOT buy this for Doodle Bug, AM!"

But we already know how stupid I am. I think I just love self punishment!

So, I bought it for her. Shocker huh?

I am writing about it here so that no other parent ever buys this piece of *Beep* for their child. Or if they do that they will never let their child play with it UNATTENDED!!

What is it? Ready? You sure????

Ok, it's Floam. Floam is a nice word for it, I could think of a whole lot of other things to call it, but I don't want to use my potty mouth so early in the day!
Floam is this nasty beaded goopy crap that comes in 4 different colors. Bonus!

It's an As Seen on TV product, and they call it Micro Beaded Modeling Fun Floam! Again, I could use a lot better words here...trying to refrain. Deep breaths!

You are supposed to be able to use "Floam" on any surface. You can model it around objects and let it dry to create all kinds of "cool" stuff. I wish you could hear the sarcasm in my voice as I type.

Apparently ALL surfaces do not include car surfaces!

Doodle Bug must have decided that after the Poopy Teard car window escapade that she needed to add more artwork to the car. Someone just beat me now please? End my misery will ya??

Know what Micro Beaded Modeling "FUN" Floam does to a pretty 2005 Explorer?? Guesses anyone? Anyone??

Well, apparently when a Mommy goes to peel off the sun dried crap called Floam, that's on the back of her car, the "Fun" Freaking Floam likes to take a little paint with it!

Do you have any idea how happy that makes a Mommy?? About as happy as having a pencil jabbed in her eye, or as happy as walking across a hot bed of coals...a million times!

So, in order to ensure that Doodle Bug lives to see tomorrow I decided to sit by the car and catch my breath, and try to keep all the curse words in my head from erupting into something out of an X rated movie. I seriously thought about grabbing the garden hose and just ending it right there and then!

It was hard people. Really, really hard!!

AM: Oh, honey....can you come by the car please.

Doodlebug happily skips to the car.

DB: What Momma?

And then she looks down at the pile of Floam on the drive way and before I can even say anything she explodes with, "It wasn't me!"

AM:

DB: Are you mad Momma?

AM:

DB: It wasn't me I promise.

AM:

Trying to maintain the anger level. But I was starting to feel like Mt. Vesuvius.

AM: Then who was it? Do you think our 80 year old neighbor has a Floam fetish we don't know about? Or perhaps it was the neighbors who have BEEN OUT OF TOWN FOR TWO FREAKIN' WEEKS??

DB: Maybe.

AM:

AM: We don't use Floam on Mommy's car; we don't use Floam on ANYTHING EVER EVER AGAIN! You understand?

DB: You're mad huh?

AM: Do I look mad honey??? Is this mad DB?

DB: Wasn't me.

I give up some days. I swear people. I guess along with the painting fairy, the window writing fairy, we now have a Floam fairy that lives in our house. They all take up residence with the "It wasn't me" fairy, who is Queen of "I don't know".

Floam. Micro Beaded Modeling Fun my ass!

I am so glad that today is Friday! I'm about to bust a move or two!

Man, I am feeling my age and then some this week!


I went out with some friends last night. I have to come realize I am just not 21 anymore. We went out to a few bars, and had a few drinks. And I am feeling it every bit today!

If you hear something throbbing while reading this please don't worry, it's just my head, which may or may not explode at any moment! Water, I need more water!

I love my buddies, but my Lord they ran me ragged. There's something to be said for hanging out with two guy friends. First of all...you can't keep up. It just isn't happening. I think they are part camel.

Secondly, when they say, "One more AM", they really mean 5 more. They suck at math all of the sudden!

Third, you aren't going to have any "game" when you are drinking with your buddies. Nope, not happening. Any time a member of the opposite sex approached me they thought it would be really funny to say they were my big brothers and that usually sent the victim away with his tail between his legs.

If that didn't work, they even told a few boys they were my husbands...plural here people. Drunk people aren't crispy pickles! I guess somewhere in the night we moved to Utah, and I became a Mormon bride!

I am a light weight. Always have been, and last night I was totally reminded of this.

I guess we had fun, from what I recall. When I woke up this morning I asked buddy #1 why my leg was bleeding.

AM: What the hell happened to my leg?

Buddy: You don't remember?

AM:

Buddy: You fell when we were walking down the stairs but we caught you.

I look down at my leg which is cut up all over, and is surround by black and blue marks.

AM: What part of me did you catch exactly? Looks to me like ya'll missed.

Buddy: No, you were heading down face first, we saved the face.

He grins as if he's so proud of himself. Oh GAWD, some things you just don't want to know.

AM: Water, need water.

I limp to the kitchen behind him. Each step induces pain beyond words.

He shoves a gallon jug of water at me.

AM: You have a glass maybe?

Buddy: Just take a swig.

Nice nothing like sipping from the community water jug.

AM: Gulp, gulp, gulp!

I'm certain the water was pouring down my cheeks and mouth like a water fall, but I really didn't care.

Buddy: Good thing we didn't drive last night huh?

AM: Good thing, dude but where's my car? And can you talk a little softer please?

Buddy: Car is at Bar #1. We'll go get it. And I am whispering. Should I use sign language instead?

AM: Maybe.

Buddy: You feel better today?

AM:

Buddy: You got pretty ill there darlin'. I held your hair for you.

AM:

Buddy: And your clothes are in the dryer.

AM: Nice. Just great.

Buddy: Yup, you missed the toilet the first time, but it's all good.

AM: Please stop talking. Please. It hurts my head and I don't want to know any more. Please.

Buddy: You were entertaining.

AM: I am so glad to have been of service.

Buddy: giggle, giggle

Yup, I am feeling a bit rough today people. I'm limping around like an 80 year old woman, with a bad hang over.

When your friends call you and ask you to meet them for a drink or two...run, run for the hills. And if you are too stupid to run (like me) then stick with Diet Coke or Iced Tea. Then you can drink all you want and the worst thing that can happen is you'll have to pee a lot. But that would be okay, that would be better than what's going on in my head today.

I gotta go. I need more water, and a whole bottle of Tylenol. Hope ya'll are having a great Friday!

Well guys I fear I am having a week full of Mondays! Grrrr!

I would give anything for a dull moment. There are "days" and then there are "DAYS"!

I was thinking last night about how much of a hurry I was in to grow up. What the HELL was I thinking?

This grown up thing is over rated.

I recall the days when my biggest worry was what to wear to school. Or what TV show to watch after school. It was brainless really...we only had 3 channels!

Did I just hear a gasp from you young ones? Yup, that's right three channels, yet somehow we survived. It's a miracle huh?

I wish my biggest quandary was what game my friends and I should play. Should we have a good old game of kick ball, or ride our bikes until we pass out in the Texas heat?

I want to hear that old comforting scream from my mother, "AM, get your butt home it's time to eat dinner...NOW!"

Yeah, those were the days.... Carefree, and clueless, and naive to everything.

But alas, I can't go back. Nope, I am a bona fide grown up (most days) and with that come all the "joys" it offers!

As I sit here in my office, dealing with the mindless idiots, I wonder what the hell I am doing?

When I was a kid and thought about being a grown up, I never imagined it like this. No, it was going to be way cooler. It was going to be freakin' amazing!

I could do what I want and when I wanted to do it. No one would be the boss of me! No way!

Funny how things turn out. I'd love for someone to tell me to go to bed, remind me to brush my teeth, make sure my clothes matched, and that my shoe laces were tied.

It'd be great to have someone else put dinner on the table and run my bath.

Oh those were the days!

Some days you should just never get out of bed! Some days you should just pull the covers up over your head and scream, "I'm not coming out! Not now! NOT EVER!!!"

Anyone know the way to Sesame Street? I'm seriously thinking about packing up and moving there.

I think Oscar might have room in his trash can for one more. Hell, I'm not green, but I think today he and I would have a lot in common.

I want to live on a street where a bunch of fuzzy little monsters roam, hanging out with the letter of the day, playing Hide and Seek, singing and skipping a long.

Yup, that sounds like a wonderful brainless day! It's got my name written all over it!

Yeah, I think I could hang out with Bert and Ernie. I bet they make their beds without throwing insane fits upon the floor. I know if I told Ernie to go take a bath, he'd grab that rubber ducky and agree happily without screaming that he's already clean and turning it into a Presidential debate gone wrong!

I bet Big Bird would happily listen to me talk while we searched for Snuffy! And I am certain he'd even talk back to me!

Maybe they even have an opening at Mr. Hooper's store. No one that ever comes in that store is angry, yelling, or screaming. Sure they may be a little too happy and annoying, but I think an occasional glass of wine would make that tolerable.

So my fellow bloggers can anyone tell me how to get to Sesame Street? You can even come along if you like. I'm sure we could take good old Sesame Street by storm...

I'm off...got my bags packed...

Sunny day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play
Everything's A-okay
Friendly neighbors there
That's where we meet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street

Sunny day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get
How to get to Sesame Street...

How to get to Sesame Street

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. No big deal... just a check up. A "female" check up.

I've been having the "female" check up since I was a teenager. This should make the whole experience easier. Hell, I have given birth. That should make it easier.

It ain't ever easy for me.

I know this is a must for women. I just wish they could come up with new ways to check the female business. I mean when you stop and think about it the whole experience is a bit on the ridiculous side.

I don't care who you are, this is not a pleasant check up. This is not fun... it is down right awkward.

You lay there in these stir ups waiting for someone to come in and check your business. Why don't they just pull us up with a gurney? Or better yet dangle us from the ceiling??

The first time I saw the "stir ups" in High School I almost started crying. MY GAWD, they resemble something from a horror movie.

You want me to do what? Put my feet in those things and DO WHAT?? I wanted to run screaming from the office. Thank God my Mom was there to make the experience a little easier, but even more awkward in a different way.

Dr. C comes in today, as I lie there waiting in the God awful contraption. He's a nice guy. We exchange the usual hellos.

He begins the check up. I always sit there trying to think of anything other than what's going on. I'd whistle Dixie or something if it weren't weird.

Then Dr. C starts telling me a joke! What? I mean I know he's been doing this 20 years, and this is no big deal to him. But do you really have to be telling me a joke about 2 golfers and God, while you are down there checking out my business?

I'm so nervous I am not listening. The whole exam is brief but it seems like an eternity.

Dr. C starts laughing. I guess he must have reached the punch line. I fake laugh along with him. Yet, I have NO IDEA what he just said.

He stands up. Thank God that's over.

I sit up. Thankful to be out of that position. Whew! It's over. I survived.

Then he informs me I should lie back down because they are going to draw some blood.

Dr. C knows me well. I am a bit on the squeamish side (huge understatement) and I have passed out in his office 3 times. They know me well.

He makes the same joke every time.

Dr. C: AM, as often as you have hit the floor in this office, I am amazed you were able to give birth. I thought for sure we'd lose you that day!

He laughs really hard every time he shares this story. I'm grateful it amuses him so. I want to scream, "Yeah, I know. Funny, funny. Now let's get this crap over with so I can get out of here until next year!"

Anyway, all goes well. I head out of the office among all the women in the waiting room. I smile at them, and they return the favor with the same nervous smile I had a half hour ago.

They know in a matter of time they'll be in the stir ups from hell, most likely listening to the same golfer joke, and praying to get the hell out of there.

Being a woman is an amazing thing. However it would be much more amazing if these doctors could find a way to make this whole "female" check up easier on everyone involved.

That would be a great thing for all of woman kind!