Well, on a serious note my attorney called today. It appears the judge would like Dirt Clod and I to try and reach an agreement before our court date. This judge must have a crack habit! I’m certain he was high or drunk when reviewing our case and coming to this intelligent conclusion.

 

(Mental Note To Self: Run for Judge, AM. It apparently takes no brain power!)

 

Does this guy think that in the past 2 years that I haven’t tried to reach an agreement with a loser who owes almost 30,000.00 in child support, and who dropped health insurance and quit paying medical bills?

 

Does this idiot realize that if Dirt Clod resided in the state of Texas right now that he would be in jail for owing this much money??

 

Why is my life surrounding me with complete morons this week??

 

Someone must not like me.

 

This whole situation really pisses me off! My attorney says we will meet with Dirt Clod and his obnoxious attorney a day or two before our court date. I told her this was a waste of time and freaking money! (I have spent 10,000.00 in 8 years on attorney fees because of this loser.) The judge did order him to reimburse all my legal fees but that took two years to collect as well.

 

This situation just gets under my skin. I think it’s ridiculous that single parents have to keep going back to court with losers who simply choose not to take care of their responsibilities. I think they should just throw them all in jail and then I bet they would change their tune in a heart beat.

 

I’ve heard what they do to child abusers in jail. I think Dirt Clod should be required to see this first hand. Throw him in the middle of the jail with a sign on his back that reads:

 

I’m a child abuser. Kick my ass…over and over again!

 

I am quite certain after a week or two of his “vacation” in a Texas jail, he’d be throwing that child support at me and thensome.

 

So, now not only do I get the “pleasure” of seeing this asshole in court, but now I get the BONUS of spending time with him in a conference room! God, someone pinch me! I’m so lucky I must be dreaming!

 

Sorry to vent, but my blood pressure was rising.

 

Breathing in and out!

 

It just chaps my ass that Dirt Clod got 10 years Deferred Judification for THREE FREAKING counts of CHILD ABUSE, owes 30 grand in CHILD SUPPORT, and is still is enjoying the high life in his beach front house!

 

No wonder the jerk wad is so arrogant… he thinks he’s “Untouchable” and for good reason. For 8 years now he has been, and I am starting to think he always will be.

 

I wonder how he sleeps at night knowing that he almost took the life of his own daughter???

 

I’m sure it crosses his one brain cell in-between vacations, the country club, his 21 year old whore, and the new cars he drives to look “pretty”.

 

I know I sound bitter tonight. Quite frankly I am. I am tired of this game. And I refuse to keep giving more of my time to the “Devil’s Own”.

 

I’m going to have a glass of wine! Hell, I might just skip the glass and drink it straight from the bottle! Pretty picture isn’t it?

 

Grrrrrrrrrr! Anyone have any asshole repellent?

 

 

 

 

 

It's Wednesday, and I am glad to have reached this milestone day! How I survived to this point shall remain a big mystery!

"R" brought me flowers at home last night. He's such a sweetheart. I guess I may or may not have been "bitching" about work the past few days. Me? Bitch? Maybe.

He was heading to go out of town today for business and it was nice to see him for a few hours. He seems to easily melt away the days "stresses" with his smile and quick wit.

Somehow we got on the subject of this blog. I had not mentioned it to him prior, and it just kind of came out of my mouth. He took a double take at me, and then the devilish little smile I adore crept across his face.

As soon as I said it I was trying to change the subject. It's not that I don't want him to know that I have a blog....I just don't want him to read it! Is that terrible???

There was no changing the subject.

R: Wait, wait, you have a blog?

AM: Blog? No, I said frog. I have a frog.

R: So, what's this blog thing about?

AM:

R: Come on tell me. What do you blog about?

AM:

R: Come on we should be open about everything right? You can tell me.

His smile is the only thing preventing him from laughing at me.

AM: Hush. I don't want to talk about it.

R: Let me read it.

AM: No. No. It's really boring, and I am sure it'd be of no interest to you.

R: You wrote about me didn't you?

AM:

R: What did you write? Anything good, anything juicy??? Come on AM let me read it.

AM: No. Not happening dude, let it go.

R: Have you ever known me to let go of anything?

AM:

R: So, show me.

He walked over to my lap top. He looked back at me in the chair as if I would suddenly jump up and say, "Yes, sweetie...read my blog. Read what I write about you..please....please!"

R: Come on...you can do it. Come on.

AM:

R: You aren't going to show me are you?

Duh dude! I mean this guy knows me. Hell, we were friends for 6 years before we started dating! He may be persistent but I am as stubborn as they come. I can hold out as long as he can. Suddenly I realize I have just created the ultimate battle of wills! Damn!

R: Maybe I'll start a blog.

AM: Cool for you. *picking at my fingernails*

R: I might write about you, I might not.

AM: Sounds great. Blogging is a creative outlet. *picking the fuzz off my sweater*

R:

He's fidgeting and glancing back at me and then the computer. He suddenly takes a serious tone, which is truly rare for the chap.

R: Come on. I'm just giving you a hard time. I want to see what you write about.

AM: No.

He smiles at me because he knows I mean it, and I smile because I can see the wheel churning in his head. He's trying to figure out how to squeeze it out of me.

He comes to sit beside me. He gets cuddly and sweet. He changes the subject for a while, lightning up the mood. This is sweet and I love when he's close like that. But I've known him for 6 years, and I know that he's just trying to sweeten me up a bit.

A good hour or so passes and he gets up to leave. We hug and kiss and talk about what we might do this weekend. I tell him to be safe on his trip and to call me today.

He agrees. I walk him to the door. He goes in for one last hug and whispers in my ear:

"Baby, you know I'll get it out of you don't you? It's only a matter of time. *soft giggle*"

AM: Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Time will tell. But I wouldn't hold your breath sweetie...you might turn blue and pass out.

R:*giggle* Which one of us can hold out longer?

AM: Oh, sweetheart....how naive you truly are. It makes you so endearing to me.

He pulls back from me.

R:

I smile and open the door. He looks at me and smiles. Gawd the boy has a pretty smile!

He's walking down the sidewalk to his car and I hear him say, “You have no idea what you’re up against, Baby!"

And he's right. This is in no way over yet. There was already an email from him today. He won't let it go. Oh well, for some freakish reason I derive joy from this. I think it plays to my devious evil side!

Am I wrong not to let him read this blog? Am I being stupid???? Tell me what ya'll think.

Time to go visit with the Village Idiots!

It's turning out to be a long day! I have been running around this office like a chicken with its head cut off!

I've decided never to take a week off away from this place again. No, next time I'll just quit!

I just made it back to my office and I'm sitting here at my messy desk, eating lunch. At least I think it's lunch!

In-between bites I find myself doing a lot of this:

I've decided people should all be required to come with warning labels! It should be a government requirement to exist!

If people came with such labels life would be much easier. There would be no "pleasant" surprises when people opened their mouths, or stepped into your life. You would be completely prepared!

I also think the Village Idiots should only be allowed to talk when spoken to, and some should only be able to respond via pictures or flash cards!

I know part of my job as a supervisor is to handle the "issues" that arise with my employees, but there are days when being the over paid baby-sitter has no glory! None. Nada. Zilch.

There are days I'd rather be having a bikini wax, or sticking my head in the oven....that would be better.


I was walking around talking to some of my employees today trying to get caught up on everything. I should have just used email. Hell, I should have just sent notes like we did in grade school...with little boxes, check yes or no.

But, if you know me at all...you know I am a stupid girl...who apparently has a tendency towards self punishment.

Don't get me wrong. I am a pretty laid back person; I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Some days that just bites me where the sun don't shine! Ouch!

Here's a summary of what I got to catch up on with my wonderful employees instead of what really matters....WORK!

Employee #1: Apparently decided to place all accounts on hold last week because I was out of the office. He's been here 2 years, and I'm sure he was just "uncertain" of his job responsibilities!


Employee #2: Had to talk to this genius about why he cannot use the company credit card at the strip club. He seemed perplexed as I explained why HR and Finance were upset with him.

His reply to my "little" talk was: What's the big deal?

Employee #3: Had to explain to her about the "Dress Code". Talking to a woman about her attire is as fun as a FREAKING root canal. You have to find a careful way to explain to her that even though she has a cute little figure, she really has to wear a skirt that's long enough to cover the "moon" when she's bent over at the copy machine! This is the 6th time HR has made me talk to her!

Employee #4: She is going through a terrible divorce and apparently her soon to be Ex hasn't figured out that it's over. According to office staff he shows up 1-2 times a day, and calls about every 30 minutes. This all sends her into fits of crying. I suggested she take some personal time off. She said she feels safer here.

Great! Is this guy going to come up here and go postal? Going to have to put a request into accounting for bullet proof vests for all employees!

Employee #4 A.K.A. Idiot #2: Had to talk to him about what could happen to him if he was implicated in sexual harassment. I had to sit and painfully explain why it was inappropriate that he took his frustration out on Idiot #1 like a high school boy in the locker room.

His response: I didn't do it.

My response: And by the way, you are taking over all of her accounts until I find someone else to replace her. If you have seen my office, you'll know it might be months, hell even years before I have time to do interviews!

So, that's a taste of my day so far. Now tell me...why should I have to spend a good two to three hours of the day dealing with stuff like this? I think they should change my title to Office Shrink!

Well, I better go. I need to brace myself for the next round of employee discussions. Maybe if I sneak out the back door no one will notice.

Okay, I have a question for you. I wanna know who in the Hell invented Mondays???

What "Idiot" thought this day of the week would be good for anything? I mean can't we just skip this day, or better yet throw it out completely???

Ok, done ranting. Kind of.

I returned to the office today after working at home for DB's Spring Break last week. I worked at home last week so I wouldn't walk into a nightmare today. I apparently wasted my time.

I decided to go in early and get a head of the day so to speak. I'm a stupid, stupid, STUPID girl!

Some days are just not meant to be. This was one of them. My head is still reeling, so if this blog doesn't make any sense forgive me. No, I'm not drunk (maybe I should be) and no, I haven't totally "lost" it....YET.

It took me three hours to go through all the crap the Office Peeps threw on my desk, next to my desk, and on the table in my office. Hell, they even put a bunch of "stuff" in my chair!

This was to be expected. No big deal I guess. A pain in the ass but no big deal.

Just as I am getting my groove on, there's a knock on my office door.

AM: Come in.

You guys recall the Office Drama story I told a while back?? Well, if you do you'll understand this post.

I look up and there's Idiot #1. She's not smiling, and her hands are on her hips.

Not a good sign. I'm a woman...this much I know.

Idiot #1: I have to talk to you.

What not even a "hello"? Not even a "Good to see you back, AM?" Not even a question as to why I'm sitting on the floor amongst a pile of papers??

No. Not at all.

I literally fumble and stumble my way to my desk. I'm sure I look like a complete moron.

AM: Have a seat if you can find one. *giggle, giggle*

Idiot #1:

Something tells me this is going to be loads of fun!

AM: What's up?

Idiot #1: I am coming to tell you that I put my two weeks notice in
last week. I put it on your desk.

I scan through the mountains of paper work on my desk. Is she high? She threw something that important into the black hole "thingie" I have going on in here??

I'm flipping through papers like a mad woman.

AM: No, I haven't seen it yet. Sorry it's kind of a mess in here
because I was out last week. Sorry. What's going on? Why are
you leaving?

Idiot #1: I told you a while back that I just can't work with "him"
anymore.

AM:

Guess they didn't pull up their big girl panties and work that whole thing out. See Idiot # 1 and Idiot# 2 decided to date a while back, and then it fizzled, and then the drama erupted like Vesuvius!

I had hoped that it had worked itself out. Again, I am a stupid, stupid girl!

AM: Oh, come on. Can't you guys work this out? I mean you're one
of my best Reps. I don't want to lose you.

Idiot #1: I'm sorry AM. I tried it's just not working. I have really
enjoyed working with you. I just wanted to talk to you.

AM:

Couldn't the girl at least wait until tomorrow? (Just Kidding)

AM: How can we work this out to make you stay?

Idiot #1: There's nothing you can do. I have made up my mind.

AM: Come on there has to be something I can do??? (PLEASE)

Idiot #1: Can you take back all the comments he made about our sex
life? Or certain aspects of my anatomy? Or the jokes he
makes every time I walk by him and his stupid friends?

AM:

Idiot #1: I just don't want to deal with him. I need to move on.

AM: If he's harassing you I'll talk to him. REALLY! That's
unacceptable.

Idiot #1: No, please don't. I just want it to be over.

See people...YOU ARE NOT, and I repeat NOT supposed to date your co-workers for this reason! This makes you miserable and it makes everyone around you miserable.


Bad idea.

I talk to her for a while, unable to convince her to change her mind. I tell her I will locate her notice in the pile of crap I call my office, and get it to HR.

This just sucks. Two grown people decide to "dip" it where they shouldn't and then can't work it out like a couple of immature children in a sand box. Now, I'm losing one of my best Reps...

I started to get really mad.

I stormed out of my office. I scared the heck out of my assistant.

Asst.: You okay, AM?

AM: No, no I am not okay. Idiot #1 just quit because of Idiot #2,
and I am furious about it.

Asst.: Where are you going?

AM: *evil grin* To kick Idiot #2's ass. If you hear screaming
don't worry. I'm not going to kill him, I am just going to
beat him until he screams, "Mercy"! Got any duct tape??

Asst.:

Mondays People, they are just overrated! I vote we ditch this day from here on out! Anyone else agree???

Doodle Bug and I got back from church and I sent her to change her clothes.

I was in the kitchen making lunch and realized she'd been gone for a while.

AM: DB, you okay in there?

DB: *yelling* Yes, Momma! Be there in a minute!

I'm fixing our sandwiches when she pops into the kitchen. I look up and almost drop the jar of mayo on the floor!

Lord have mercy, standing in the kitchen is my little girl...wearing a pair of jeans, and one of my bras, which is stuffed (overstuffed) with socks!

She's striking this pose as if she's working "it" in some Madonna video!

I stand there speechless for a minute. She's smiling at me, and swinging her hips back and forth.

Did the aliens abduct my DB and replace her with a little stripper???

Finally, I find some words.

AM: DB, what are you wearing?

DB: Your bra. I've got boobies now Momma. What do you think?

She grins at me.

AM: Um, Errr, Uh...

DB: When do you think I'll get some boobies Momma?

AM: When you are older baby.

I'm trying to keep a straight face, but her mannerisms and everything have somehow transformed since she put on the bra. She's like a big girl in "training".

DB: You mean like when I'm 20?

AM: Yeah, like that. No, no...when you are a teenager.

DB: That's not too long is it Momma?

AM:

DB: Do you think they'll be big?

AM: *closing eyes and wishing we weren't having this conversation*

DB: Do you? Huh?

AM: I don't know DB. But we have plenty of time to worry about that.

DB: I hope they are. *grins*

AM: Go change baby. It's time for lunch.

She struts back out of the kitchen. Can you say Marilyn Monroe anyone??

I laugh quietly to myself. Lord, never a dull moment with this child.

In a few minutes she returns to the kitchen. She's now fully dressed, but she has my bra wrapped around her head like a turban. I'm glad to see my unmentionables are so multifunctional.

AM: Sit down for lunch DB, and please take that off your head.

DB: What? I can wear this.

AM: No bras at the table.

OH GAWD! Did I just say that out loud? No bras at the table? I'm losing it.

AM: You're wearing one Momma.

AM:

She reluctantly takes it off her head, and folds it neatly beside her plate. I guess she's "saving" it for later!

DB: Momma, I don't have boobies yet, but you do know I have rosebuds, right?

AM: What?

DB: I don't have boobies yet, I have rose buds.

I'm baffled by her referring to this part of the female anatomy as rose buds. I have never heard it in my life.

AM: Where did you learn that?

DB: Myself. They are just like roses Momma. They are buds right now but then when I get older they'll be like roses. Big roses.

AM:

She eats her lunch as nothing out of the ordinary just transpired in the kitchen.

I sit thinking OH GAWD....some day she is going to have "Boobies"...and I just saw the prime example of why I am in no way ready for that "Day".

Lord help me!