Dear Streamers:

Ok, I am coming to you for a little advice in the romance department. I was going to write Dear Abby again, but apparently when you send 100 letters a week, they send you something called a restraining order.

So maybe ya'll can help a girl out???

"R" and I were at dinner Saturday night with mutual friends. They are all excited we are finally dating. Man, they have wanted us to date for 6 years. But my friends are absolute smart assess. If you think I am bad... hang out with my buddies for a night.

So we were sitting at dinner and my best friend Rob decides to pipe into the conversation of "R" and I dating.

Rob: Hey "R" if you can get this girl to settle down I'll take you to Vegas for the weekend all expenses paid."

Everyone at the table giggles, including me.

Alex: No doubt. AM is like the male version of us.

At this point the wine comes spewing out of my nose.

AM: Shut up. I am not like ya'll. I don't date 5 people at a time and sleep with anything that has a pulse.

Rob: No, you are right. You just lure them in until you hear "I love you" and then you become the run away girlfriend.

I want to take my California Roll and catapult it across the table at his smug face.

"R" is laughing with everyone else, but he's squeezing the hell out of my leg under the table.

The jokes continue. I laugh, but on the inside I want to scream.

We leave dinner and nothing is said. Just another night with the village idiots.

Well, Sunday night "R" comes over for dinner and so that we can watch the Sopranos. We had just sat down on the couch, and my ears perk up as I hear "Woke up this morning...." start to blast from the TV.

That's when it started.

R: You know that conversation we had the other night?

AM: No. (When all else fails play dumb!)

R: At the restaurant...remember?

AM: Oh yeah.

I am trying not to look at the TV, but I just want to hang out and watch TV. I do not want to have a deep talk.

R: I mean, I know you and you know me, but it's different right?

AM: Of course it is.

This is the problem. Dating someone you have been friends with for 6 years is "different". They already know you, know all about you. Hell we have nursed each other through break-ups, family problems, jobs, etc.. He knows me. And somehow all of those things we knew about each other are suddenly different now. They somehow mean more now.

R: I know in the past you have been scared, but we aren't going to be like that right?

I can look at his face and see the worry. I fumble for words that simply are not there. This guy knows that I have walked away from past relationships because I have the Great Wall of China built up around this heart. I can't lie my way out of this one.

It wasn't an issue before, but now that we are dating it seems to be an issue.

AM: No it will be different.

I reach across the couch and hug him. As if this silent gesture will somehow erase his fears and reassure him that there is nothing to worry about.

But I wonder the entire time that I am embracing him if he can feel the uncertainty in my touch. Does he sense the fear that is oozing out of every pore in my body?

Ok, maybe I do have commitment issues. Maybe I left my last relationship because I got scared. Maybe I am a female version of my guy friends. Maybe I am just not good at this stuff.

I mean I want to be with someone. I love the wonderful things relationships bring. I don't want to end up being an old woman with a bunch of cats.

Why is it that I can speak to room of hundreds of people for work without even a butterfly, but if you put me into a conversation with a man I am dating and I sink faster than the Titanic!


I don't want "R" to worry about the past. I love being with him, he makes me so very happy. I feel like myself around him, and maybe it is because he knows so much about me. Maybe it is because I can be myself.

But I fear if I do not find the words to bring up this topic that is worrying him that it will be a damaging blow. I want to just spill my guts, but I always stop. I always have in the past. And the words I so long to say get lost...lost into the black hole or lost in translation.

Right now as I write this he is on his way to California. He will not be back until Friday. I want to call him tonight and just spill it all. But how can I convince a man who has known me for so long and seen first hand my dating life, that this time will be different. And will it? I mean can I really offer up that guarantee?? Can any of us???

I want to do this the right way, but I must admit...I am not sure what the hell the "right" way is sometimes. Do I leave this one alone for a while and let it play out? Or do I do what I fear most...and address it head on?? How do you get around all the things you already know about someone's past in the dating arena? Do you leave it alone, or do you talk about it??

I'm sinking here. I am lost. And I know if it's bothering me this much that I need to do something about it. I guess I am just scared. I don't want to ever be considered the "female" version of my guy friends. I am so much more than that. Sadly I am just a scared wuss when it comes to matters of the heart.

Why does it have to be so freakin' difficult???

Well, we already know how fond I am of Mondays. I'm apparently so fond of them that I want them to last FOREVER!

Yup, it's about 10:30 PM here in Big D, and I just got home from work about an hour ago. I feel so happy I should be skipping!

It's going to be a long week people. If today is any indication of what lies ahead....well, I think I might just be screwed.

I have a big deadline and since I chose to have a life over the weekend (I'm truly a selfish girl) today I paid the price for not working through the weekend. Yay me!

"R" brought me dinner tonight at work. He's such a sweetheart. Still wondering what the hell I did to find a guy so thoughtful. Pinch me please! Am I dreaming?? Could be.

We had a long talk last night. I hate long relationship talks. They just....well, they just suck. It wasn't a bad talk....it was just a serious talk. I don't always do "serious" well, and often I think this unsettles those around me.

Plus the timing of this serious talk was not the best. The Sopranos were on...and I missed it. I know, I know...go ahead call me shallow. Tell me I'm an idiot. But quite honestly I'd rather have a bikini wax, or eat dirt to not have "those" conversations. And I wonder why I am still single??? Not too hard to figure out is out?

I am too tired to go into it tonight. Maybe I will write about it tomorrow as I could use a little unbiased advice. What's new huh?

Anyway, it's just been a while since I was dating anyone seriously, and I guess I forgot some of the basics in regards to what that entails. I have a lot to learn...lots and lots to learn. And we all know what a quick study I am!

Well, I'm not much for writing tonight. My brain is so tired that I think it fell asleep on me hours ago. Going to head out into the stream and catch up with you guys. I promise to have something better to fill this space with tomorrow. Unless the office idiots kidnap me again and chain me to my desk...depriving me of what I hear is a life.

Take care out there in Blogger Land.

Well, it's been a whirlwind of a weekend! It seems like I blinked on Friday and then it was Sunday! Where does the time get to anyway???

Doodle Bug had a slumber party Friday night, which makes for a happy content DB the next day!

Nothing like picking up your 8 year old, who has had 2 hours of sleep, and is detoxing from a sugar rush that could have killed a large elephant!

Oh Happy Days!

After I picked her up we headed to the soccer field for her practice. I felt very sorry for her team mates. The girl was on the verge of melt down just trying to stand up and kick the ball. And everything and I mean everything was ticking her off.

I had to have a little talk to her about sportsmanship in the car on the way home. I fear this conversation bounced off her sugar saturated brain cells like a game of pinball. My clue?? The constant rolling of the eyes!

Ok, I hate the eye roll thing. I hate it when big people do it, and it's even more annoying when a small child is doing it. I mean you might as well be telling me to go to Hell, or giving me the bird. In my book it's pretty much the same thing.

So, I got her home and made her go lay down. This was even more pleasant.

AM: You're so tired you need to go take a nap for a while.

DB: I AM NOT TIRED!

AM: Go take a little nap it will make you feel better, DB.

DB: *rolls her eyes* *mumbles something under her breath*

AM: What did you say?

DB: I didn't say anything. *rolls the eyes again*

AM: *biting my tongue* Honey, please go lay down.

DB: I am not TIRED!

Her voice gets really screechy like someone running their fingernails down the chalk board. I am trying to be patient, but alas the child is pushing the limit.

AM: Go take your stuff in your room and lay down please.

DB: Whatever.

AM: Young lady I don't care how tired you are you can not talk to me like that. Do you understand?

DB:

AM: Do you hear what I am saying to you?

DB:

AM: Go to your room now.

She picks up her stuff, still mumbling under her breath. I am sure she is just whispering sweet compliments to me, right?

Then I hear a BOOM! I walk over to her bed room and see her standing in the middle of the room. She has thrown her overnight bag right into the chair and it had fallen over and was now resting against the window.

AM: Did you throw your bag, DB?

DB: No.

AM: I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you throw your bag?

DB: *long pause of silence* No, it slipped out of my hand.

AM: Really?? It slipped out of your wee little hands and landed on the other side of the room, knocking that big chair over huh?

DB: That's what I just said.

AM:

DB is in rare form. Mommy is biting her tongue to the point it's bleeding and I am trying not to go ballistic on the little angry smart ass standing before me.

AM: You have about 2 seconds DB to pick up that bag and get on your bed and lay down.

DB: I AM NOT LAYING DOWN I AM NOT TIRED!

I walk across the room, pick her up (my back is killing me today) and carry her over to the bed and lay her down. She is now screaming and crying and in total utter break down. She doesn't even look like my child anymore. It's like a little evil lady who’s spewing out words that I can't even understand. I do however understand the occasional "stupid" she's throwing into the mix.

AM: You will stay in here until I come get you. I don't care if you sleep or sit here and scream at yourself. But you will stay in here AM I CLEAR?

DB: *gives me the raspberries* *rolls her eyes*

AM:

And that's when I just lost it. Not pretty guys, not pretty at all.

AM: Fine. You want to act like this DB? Fine. You are never going to another slumber party ever? EVER! Do you hear me? You're grounded, grounded from everything, everyone, and every place. You will ask me before you do ANYTHING! Anything DB! If you blink I wanna know about it. AM I CLEAR??

DB: *rolls her eyes* Whatever you big meanie pants!

AM, walk away from the child. Step away from the child.

I close her bedroom door and step into the hallway. I am so mad I am shaking. When did she develop this mouth? I don't think I have ever seen her so disrespectful. I need valium. That's what I need. Yes, just put me to sleep until she's out of college. That might be the only key to our survival.

All the while she is in her room crying and screaming and calling me the worst Mom ever. GAWD, that makes you feel so great on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Bring it on....give me more!

It continues for about 15 minutes, and then suddenly there is silence.

Do I approach the room? Do I holler her name and ask if she is okay? Has she thrown herself out of her bedroom window? Did her little brain hit overload and explode?

I walk slowly to the bedroom door. Nothing. All is quiet on the western front. I open the door inch by inch...and peek my head into the room.

And there is DB. Half of her little body is on the bed, the other half is dangling off the side. Her little red tear stained face is smashed and drooling into the pillow. I walk over to her and just as I do she lets out a snore.

Little Miss Not Tired has crashed and burned. I gently take off her soccer cleats and put her all the way up on the bed. I tip toe out of the room and go sit and gather my thoughts together.

It's a quiet afternoon. DB sleeps for almost 4 hours.

Okay, every Friday I have people asking me where my Friday Fun Facts are, so I decided I would give it a try.

I warn you though, I am not too interesting. So hopefully this post won't put you to sleep.

1. I love cheesy slasher movies, but the older movies. I will never tire of Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls...just to name a few.

What makes this weird is that I am totally squeamish, but for some reason I love Horror movies. Go figure!

2. My Mom almost named me Samantha because I was born right before Halloween and she loved the show Bewitched. *shaking head* The only reason my parents chose another name was because my Dad didn't want his only girl called Sam.

3. I have broken my right arm three times. The first time I was 3 years old and fell off a bar stool. When my Mom took me to the doctor I told him I fell off the bar stool. He looked at my Mom and asked her why in the Hell she had a 3 year old in a bar.

The second time I broke it I was in grade school and fell off my bike.

The third time was three years ago. I was running into the laundry room and there was water on the floor. I slipped, flailed up in the air, and landed on my elbow. My elbow was shattered and my poor arm was broken in 2 places. I was in a cast for almost 3 months and it sucked!

4. I have never had a speeding ticket. I have been pulled over but somehow have never been written a ticket. Must be my southern charm!

5. I never wear a watch. I have like 5 watches and never wear them. I cannot stand to have it on my wrist. So, I never know what time it is and it drives everyone around me crazy!

Well, there's my Friday 5! Thrilling huh? I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a relaxing and enjoyable weekend! Take care out there in Blogger Land!

Had to share this Doodle Bug moment with you guys. I think you'll enjoy it.

DB takes a class at church on Wednesday nights. She is making her First Communion this Spring and this class is a requirement. She loves going...really.

Well last night when I went to pick her up from class and her teacher asked if she could have a word with me privately.

If you are a parent you know how those words can stop your heart and set your mind racing in circles. It's almost like you want to say, "No, no, you cannot have a word alone with me. Whatever it is I am sure I'm better off not knowing."

We stepped into the hallway all the while I'm thinking what the hell has DB done now?

Teacher: You know your daughter is quite a child.

AM: *nervous smile* (thinking in my head...DUH lady I live with her)

I hear that often and there is always something behind that DB compliment. Always.

Teacher: I was asking the kids in class today when they pray. I went around to each child and asked them to stand up and tell all of us when and where they pray.

AM: *biting nails* That's nice. *eyes darting about nervously*

Teacher: DB stood up and said she prayed before eating her meals and that you and her prayed together at night.

AM: Yes, yes we do.

I want to scream at this teacher and tell her to just get on with it as I know this is not where the story ends!

Teacher: *giggle* *giggle* And then DB said, wait, I'm sorry... hold on a second. *giggle* *giggle*

She is standing there laughing and I'm standing there with sweaty palms and a racing heart. I'm glad whatever DB did is amusing this lady so much.

Teacher: Well, then she said that her Momma prays all of the time. She told us you pray in the car, in the grocery store, after you leave your parents house, when you are cleaning. I was quite impressed.

What the hell is this lady talking about? More importantly what is DB talking about? I've yet to see the humor and if this is the whole story the lady needs to find her sense of humor. Apparently she has lost it.

Teacher: And then she told us that you pray so much because you are always saying "Jesus" and "Jesus Christ". *giggle* *giggle*

AM: Gasp!

I'm bright red at this point and this lady is now laughing so hard it's echoing through the hallway attracting all kinds of awkward stares! My Lord! My sweet 8 year old thinks Momma's praying all of the time because she has a potty mouth. OH GAWD!

AM: I'm sorry. I mean I guess...Errr...Ummmm...I wasn't aware that I...well,

Come on people there just aren't words for this moment. How do you explain to the Church Teacher that you may or may not use the word "Jesus" and "Jesus Christ" now and then?

You may or may not use it when the guy in front of you cuts you off in traffic, or when your Mother has just spent 3 hours nagging you, or when something drops and breaks in the house, or when I hurt myself because I am a klutz (which is so freaking often)???



Teacher: I can't wait to share this story with the other teachers. They will get a big kick out of it.

I'm thinking she better stop laughing or I'll give her a "kick"!!

Great now every time I go up to DB's church class it will be amongst giggles, stares and whispers...

"Look, look there's the lady that prays all of the time."



Guess this is my sign from God that it's time to clean up my mouth before DB starts thinking her Momma's some weird prayer addict.

Never a dull moment. Not one. Anyone else out there pray to "Jesus" as often as I do??