Well, it's Monday! Ya'll know this is my very favorite day of the week!

I do however get the pleasure of working at home today. Why? Not because I am still sick, but because my boss is a complete germ-a-phobe FREAK!

I talked to him this morning and told him I would be in the office and was feeling better. When I told him I had been sick with Strep throat it was like I told him I had the Bird Flu or something.

He said I should just work at home for a few days and then come up there. I assured him that I was no longer contagious and he assured me that he wasn't assured. Weirdo! I should just go up there and breathe all over him and cough a few times for effect!

My Mom stopped by for a little while this morning. Why? For no other reason than to tick me off and drive me CRAZY!

I love my Mom. I do. But the woman can get under my skin like no other. And I am quite convinced she is aware of this and does it for pure enjoyment.

Mom: I guess since you have been sick you haven't had time to clean.

AM:

I keep a very clean house. Mom's idea of messy is a little clutter on the kitchen counter. Drives me insane. She starts putting stuff away. I let her even though I want to smack it out of her hands and tell her to stop.

Mom: So, "R" stayed here this weekend?

AM: Yup.

Mom: Where did he sleep?

Of course that's the first thing she asks. She wouldn't say how thoughtful he was or anything like that. Nope, Momma goes in for the kill.

AM: With me Mom.

Mom:

For some reason I derive a sick pleasure from watching the color drain from her face. I know, I know...I am evil.

Mom: Don't you think it's too early to be having sex with him?

OH GAWD! Please don't let the woman start talking about sex with me. Please.

AM: Mom, we didn't have sex.

Mom: He slept with you.

AM: Mom, I was ravished with fever, had legs as hairy as Big Foot, and looked like someone had run me over with a semi truck. Believe me when I say there was nothing "sexy" going on in this house.

Mom: He's a man.

AM: Really? I hadn't noticed.

Mom: Don't be smart. I mean don't you think he expected it by staying here?

AM: Again, let me reiterate....I was SICK! I was stinky. I was grumpy and tired. I am quite certain the last thing on his brain were thoughts of getting busy.

Mom:

I try to change the subject. She will have none of that!

Mom: Well, you know you need to be safe. You're already a single mother.

AM: Really Mom? I hadn't noticed that in the past 7 years either. I just thought I was the babysitter.

Mom: I'm being serious AM. It's the last thing you need.

AM:

I mean I swear the lady thinks that after DB was born I just never had sex again. The day of my wedding (I kid you not) she actually decided to have the "sex" talk with me. I was 24 years old. Don't you think she missed the whole boat on that one? That's my Mom.

Mom: I just want you to be careful. Do the right thing.

AM: I am always careful. Anyway,

She cuts me off as usual.

Mom: I mean men need sex and if you don't give it to them they won't be happy you know?

AM:

Is she for real? Did she suddenly forget she was talking to her 34 year old daughter? Someone shoot me.

AM: I know Mom. Men have basic needs. Food, Sleep and Sex.

Mom:

I finally get her to stop talking about it by saying a few things that make her truly uncomfortable in regard to the "sex" topic. By the time the conversation is over I just feel "dirty"!

After what seems like a million years (actually 28 minutes but who was counting) she left. Thank GAWD for small favors.

Sometimes I think I should move to Africa or something. That way she could never just "pop" over when she's in the neighborhood 25 minutes from HER HOUSE!

Anyway, this has been my Monday thus far. I am sure the day is still young and the remaining hours will not go uneventful. That would be asking for too much.

It's back to real life for me. Maybe I should go back to bed and fake being still sick. At least then everyone leaves me alone in a pity kind of way.

Happy Monday People!

AM

Well, I am finally feeling better. I am glad but I am certain everyone around me is much happier about this than I am!

I have been holed up in this cave for days. When I stepped outside a little while ago I was surprised that I didn't just burst into flames! I do think I was smoking a little and I ain’t talking about cigarettes. Be afraid….the Dawn of the Dead has arrived on the stream.

"R" spent the whole weekend here taking care of me. Poor guy. I am certain when he showed up Friday he had no idea what a "fun" filled weekend he was about to experience!

He showed up with about 50 DVD's, board games, crackers, Kleenex, cough drops, magazines, hot tea, ginger ale, vitamin C, new PJ's (my favorite) and a bunch of other stuff.

AM: Wow! You sure did bring a lot of stuff baby. You preparing for WWIII? *giggle, giggle*

R: Let's see....WWIII, or taking care of you when you are sick. Aren't they one in the same?

AM:

R: You know AM for a girl who is pretty low maintenance I have to admit you make up for it when you are sick.

AM: Me? High maintenance??

R: No, the girl standing behind you.

AM: Funny. You're funny.

R: I know. I am also cute.

AM: And oh so modest I might add. Aren't you afraid you might get sick??

R: Let's see in the past week you have coughed all over me, sneezed on me, thrown up in front of me, breathed on me...the way I got it figured I'm already screwed. You've been "sharing" your cooties for days now. Thanks for the gift.

AM: *stuck my tongue out at him*

We watched movies, played games and I slept on and off like a cat. Last night he actually ran a bubble bath for me and ordered me into the tub so that he could go make dinner.

AM: Did I die? Is this heaven?

R:

AM: There's a boy in my house who has listened to me bitch and moan for days now, he's running me a bath, and he's going to make me dinner too? I should be sick more often.

R: NO! NO! You should NOT be sick more often. Let's hope the rest of 2006 is healthy for you. For your sake, but most importantly for my sake.

AM:

R: I just wanted to run you a bath in the hopes of seeing you naked. And besides I don't want you to get to smelling funky.

AM: Nice, "R". Nice.

Yup, I am a big baby when I am sick. I'm sure I'm about as much fun to be around as a hemorrhoid. And just as hard to get rid of!

I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I got out of the bath tub and the boy was cooking like he was Emeril Lagasse! Someone pinch me! The only thing that would have made this better was if he was cooking naked! Bonus! Just kidding. Not really.

It was a first having the boy around for a few days. It was weird, but in a good way. It was nice to actually be on the receiving end of the caretaking. I don't normally let anyone do that (besides my Momma) but "R" seemed to have it down well.

Knowing how high maintenance I have been the past few days has me thinking I am going to have to do something nice for the boy. Okay, going to have to do several nice things for the boy.


Well, I am back. I am sure you guys are really "pleased" about this.

Going to enjoy the next two hours of peace and quiet before DB bursts through the door and reminds me that real life is waiting for me. Apparently she has "made" a few things for me at Grandma's house. Something tells me I should be afraid.

Happy Sunday to all of you very hip and cool Streamers! Missed you guys the past few days!

AM

There's a baby in the house today!

No, I didn't give birth and forget to tell ya'll about it. It appears that babies come in all shapes and sizes. And apparently it's my new title!

I was still so sick last night and this morning that "R" insisted I go to the doctor. He flew in last night and was at the house at 8:30 this morning.

I am sure I resembled the creature from the black lagoon when I opened the door this morning as he made a face kind of like this:

And when I went to hug him he said I should save my hugs for later.

I hate the doctor. I didn't want to go. I whined and cried and told him I'd be fine in a day or two.

He looked me up and down and said, "Baby, there ain't nothing "fine" about you right now. We need to take you to the doctor and get you better so you can be "fine" again."

I may or may not have given him the bird at that point.

I finally caved to his annoying request and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and a baseball hat. I huffed and puffed all the while thinking he'd feel sorry for my pathetic ass and change his mind.

But OH NO! He wasn't having any of that. He didn't even bat an eye, not even a little flinch of hesitation.

Apparently me and all of my "charms" were on vacation. He just kept giggling at me.

I wanted to kick him. But that might not be the proper thing to do to the man in your life. Yet, it would have made me feel a little better....okay, let's be honest...it would have made me feel LOTS better. Misery loves company right?

So we went and saw the doctor. The car ride there almost did me in. I was certain the Grim Reaper was knocking at my door. Or maybe that was my breath??

The doctor looked me over and then looked at my throat and said, "Oh, I see. We can fix this right up."

You see what dude? Care to share your vast knowledge? Fix what up? I'm not a car Mister! Where's your degree? Did "R" take me to the Vet by accident??

DR: AM, I am going to do a throat culture, but I am pretty sure you have strep throat.

He goes to shove this stick looking thing in my mouth. It makes me gag. I am hoping I hurl on this guys pretty shiny shoes. That would teach him to ask before he jabs something down a girl’s throat.

AM: Strep throat? I haven't had that since I was in grade school.

DR: Pretty sure that's what you have. We'll know in a minute. Be right back.

He walked out. "R" looked at me and smiled. I still wanted to kick him.

R: See, AM. You have Strep. If you had not come to the doctor you wouldn't have gotten any better.

AM:

It was as if he was taking great pride in the fact that I actually "HAD" something. Maybe he knew if the doctor said it was just the flu and there was nothing they could do he'd never...ever hear the end of it.

R: See baby, we're gonna get you all fixed up.

AM:

R: And then you'll feel better. And then I'll take you to your favorite restaurant, ok?

AM:

Still want to kick him.

Well I do have Strep. So it's antibiotics for me and bed rest for a few days. I hate being sick like this. I hate sitting in the "Bat Cave" called my bedroom.

"R" got my medicine for me, and picked me up some soup and ginger ale before he went to the office. He told me he'd come by later and we could watch movies. He told me to get some rest.

I still want to kick him.

Well, I have bitched and moaned enough. Going to lie down and pull the covers over my head and try and pretend that I am invisible. If the cell phone rings one more time I am going to send it on vacation to a lovely place called the sewer!

Bet ya'll didn't know I was such a peach! I am as sweet as apple pie today.

Well, I am still sick and I've been hanging out in the “Bat Cave" I call my bedroom.

I've hardly moved at all today. I've got the TV on, the lap top at my side, a million tissues over flowing the trash can, cups of ginger ale, crackers, and miscellaneous things strewn all over the bed and night stands.

It's quite the mess. I believe I hear the faint sound of white trash music playing somewhere. For some reason the theme song to Sanford and Son is playing in my head. Maybe it's the fever? Or maybe I have just utterly lost it?

"R" sent me some flowers since he's out of town. That was sweet. They are beautiful. I wish I could smell them but I fear it would take another 8 boxes of Kleenex and a syringe for me to even remotely gain back a sense of smell.

Maybe I should bring them into the bat cave and brighten the place up a bit?

No, that would require movement. And movement is so over rated right now.

I'm still reeling from my embarrassing cookie tossing moment at the office. The scars run deep on that one.

Then my fever raging brain started thinking about the fact that I seem to have a lot of embarrassing moments. Shocking isn’t it?

In the past month alone I have had my foot caught in a deck, flashed restaurant patrons, fell down some stairs, had the words Big Poopy "Teard" written on my car windows by my daughter (Still laugh at how she misspells that word), spilled red wine all over my new man, carried around a cooler full of fish at the office being taunted "Fish Lady", and now I can add tossed my cookies in front of my co-workers to the list!

It appears to me that I am on a roll of sorts. I think it's time I stop "rolling" and come to a dead STOP! I'm afraid of what embarrassing moment is lurking around the bend!

So, since I am confined to my bed, feeling sorry for myself of course, and needing a distraction and a few laughs....I pose a question to you my fellow Streamers. Ready??

Tell me one or two of your most embarrassing moments! Come on...share a little with a sick whiny girl, who is in dire need of a giggle. I am sure I can't be the only one out there having these "special" moments. I don't want to hog them. That would be selfish and down right rude.

So, if you have any stories to share...I'd love to hear them.

Gotta go blow my nose and turn off the ceiling fan. It's starting to feel like a tornado is in the cave! I might blow away. Now that would suck!

Take care Ya'll.

AM

I'm sick today.

I am quite certain that I look as bad as I feel.

I woke up this morning and was not feeling too hot. I figured it was just because I was tired. So, I took DB to school and then headed into the office.

I was sitting at my desk when all of the sudden I knew that I was going to be "sick". It seemed to come out of nowhere!

I dashed out of my office, scared the hell out of my assistant as I flew past her, and was praying that I would just make it to the bathroom.

You know the feeling I am talking about. You know you are going to be sick, and there's nothing you can do about it other than hope you make it safely to the restroom.

I was literally running down the hall, hand cupped over my mouth, and it seemed as if the bathroom was on the other side of the world!

And just as I see the door I lost my "cookies". It was like a bad flashback to grade school days. There I was standing in the hallway heaving and all I can hear behind me and in front of me is, "Oh GAWD!" and "AM is sick". I want to die.

Lost my lunch in the hallway at the office. Right there in front of God and everybody. Way to go AM!

It's always best to have an audience when you puke your guts out!

I stepped into the restroom and started drowning my face in the sink. My assistant busted through the door and she had a look of horror and concern on her face.

Asst: AM, My God, are you okay??

AM:

Asst.: Don't worry they called someone to clean it up.

AM:

Asst: I think you should go home. You want me to drive you?

AM: Please.

I felt like an idiot, but felt so bad that I was afraid of leaving the restroom. What if I did it again? Man, I will never hear the end of this one. I can hear the taunting already in my fever stricken brain!

So, now I am home. I am sitting in bed with my flannel PJ's wishing for sleep. Yet every time I lay my head down my stomach starts feeling like the raging seas!

So, I'm keeping my laptop company and wishing my Mom was here. I'm 34 years old and right now the only thing I want is my Mommy. Sad huh?

Well, I am going to see what the day time TV has to offer. I'm feeling a bit poopy. I hate being sick....and when I do get sick I turn into a big whiny baby. Shocker huh?

Hope all is well in Blogger Land.