It's Monday....AGAIN! This day of the week seems to follow me around like a lost puppy dog! What's up with that? Grrrrr!

Last night I was at R's house. He was making me dinner for putting me through Hell on Saturday at the golf course. First of all I was shocked to find out the boy could really cook. It's amazing what he doesn't "share" with me when I am cooking for him all the time. Yet, when the pressure was forced upon him he came out looking like Emeril! Wonder what else he hasn't "shared" yet? Mmmmm....food for thought.

So, we are just getting ready to sit down to enjoy our meal and a much needed quiet night alone....when the door bell rang. Looking back we should have acted like we were not home. But then again we both are pretty stupid.

Our dinner time visitor was none another than one of R's close friends (we'll call him Dip Shit) and his flavor of the evening (we'll call her Queen Air Head). Upon seeing them I wanted to make R shut the door and tell them we didn't need anymore Girl Scout cookies.

But no...my stupid boyfriend invited them in, and gave me his best "I'm sorry" look. Seems he was giving me that look a whole lot this weekend. And don't think I have not been keeping tabs on it!

So, Dip Shit comes in with this chic whom I sure he just met at a local bar or something. She is dressed in clothes that are so small I am certain she grabbed her daughter's clothes by mistake. She is over flowing from this outfit with no shame whatsoever. Nothing like a strangers boobs staring back at you before you eat dinner.

R explains that we were just getting ready to sit down for dinner. Surely, Dip Shit will get the hint and leave, right? Nope. He walks over to the fridge and grabs him and boob girl some beers. This guy has always irritated the ever living Hell out of me, and last night he just reinforced his whole jerk persona.

I have never understood why R and Dip Shit are such good friends. They are so opposite. This bond was forged in High School, maybe that's it. Maybe R just can't "let go"? Regardless it's a match made in Hell.

We sit there talking to the pair for a good 15 minutes. Dip Shit has a severe case of diarrhea of the mouth and his "date" literally giggles at everything he says. I am shocked she didn't hurt herself bouncing her head around like that. She has to have a good case of whip lash today.

It had been a long weekend. My patience level is zero at this point, and you guys know how well I handle the "dumb" people. I walked into the kitchen so I could quietly bang my head on the counter, and R walks in behind me. He's giving me that damn, "I'm sorry" look again. I want to throw myself down on the floor and have a major hissy fit.

R: Baby, I am sorry. I don't want to be rude; I can't ask them to leave.

AM: Glad you are so in touch with your Miss Manners side.

R: I am sure they will get bored and leave soon.

AM: Are you high?? They are on their second beers R, do they look freaking bored to you?

R: It won't be long baby come on...

AM: I have been hearing a whole lot of baby come on this weekend Mister and I am getting a bit tired of it.

R: *giggles*

AM: What in the Hell are you laughing at?

R: You. You're just so cute when you are mad.

AM:

I should have kicked him. I should have gone back into the living room and said, "Listen Dip Shit, it's been really great seeing you tonight and catching up on all of your mindless adventures. It's been a pleasure meeting Miss Booby Giggle Pants and we wish we had more time to sit and visit. But we want to eat dinner and be alone tonight, so kindly finish your FREAKING beers and find the door."


But alas, I am the Queen of thinking things in my head, and sadly keeping them there. No, instead we went back to visit with the lovely couple for a good hour!

Now you tell me something. If you stopped by a friend’s house unannounced, with a "date" and they were getting ready to eat dinner.....wouldn't you kindly excuse yourself? Wouldn't you leave? Hell yes you would! Not Dip Shit. Idiot. I am so sending him a package of Monkey Pox!

By the time they left our meal was cold, my mood was even colder and my boyfriend looked scared. I tried to assure him I wasn't mad, but you know what...in some way I was. I mean I have catered to him all weekend long and I just wanted a nice night before it was Monday again. I know he couldn't be rude if his life depended on it, and I wouldn't want him to be. Well, maybe a little. It just rubbed me the wrong way.

We ate dinner, he rubbed my back, and I fell asleep thinking one thing...I missed the Sopranos for this???

AM

Well, it's Sunday and I somehow survived yesterday's debacle of a golf tournament! It was a long day, and I am currently waiting for my "Girlfriend of the Year" trophy to arrive! I am sure it's on its way!

So, we got to the company golf thing early yesterday. I am still trying to recover from the whole embarrassment of it all. I do think it is safe to say that my boyfriend owes me BIG TIME! I will be milking this one for decades to come!

"R” had assured me that other girlfriends and wives would be playing as well. Liar. Most of the women folk were smart enough to sit in the club house and pavilion and enjoy themselves whilst their men folk played the greens. Of course I was not among the intelligent.

And could we have possibly been teamed up with better players? No. I am sure they were the worst of the crop.

"R" is VP of Sales for the South, and we were playing with the VP of Sales from the North, and the head of Product Development. No pressure whatsoever.

I had already met Mike the VP from the North and his wife. He's a nice guy. Eric was very nice as well. However, I am sure it will be a long time before they ever golf with a chic again.

When I asked Mike why his wife wasn't playing he literally laughed out loud and informed me that she wasn't "stupid" enough to play golf with him. I shot "R" the death stare. The two guys told me I must be pretty good if I was willing to play with "R". Again, I shot him a crappy stare. He had not even warned them that I SUCKED at golf. He didn't even tell them that he was making me play! Grrrr!

Playing golf is Hell in general. Play with 3 guys who are pretty darn good it just makes the experience even better!

By the end of the first hole "R" looked at me and said, "Honey, you really are bad aren't you?" I wanted to kick his butt. By the end of the second hole I wanted to find "creative" uses for my golf clubs.

The 3 Stooges thought it was a good idea to keep offering up words of encouragement on every hole.

“Come on AM, stroke # 40 will be good to you!"

"Aw...she looks so serious isn't that cute?"

“Amazing what we do early on in our relationships to impress!"

I smiled and laughed, but on the inside I was cussing them all out and wishing they would disappear. Poof!

Yes, they were all good sports. You would have to be. It took us freaking forever to complete each hole. Their little comments made me more comfortable with each stroke.

By the 6th hole they had started drinking beer. Thank God for small favors. I had hopes that they would all get shit knockered drunk and not notice my incredible golfing skills anymore. Instead the beer just made the comments ooze from their mouths with a greater ease.

I don't know how many times I gave my man dirty looks but I am assuming the number was higher than my golf score! If I had been bowling I would have so rocked! However, I guess in golf you want your score to be lower...who made up that dumb rule?? Who invented this sport? I want to write him a letter and thank him!

After the hole with the water they all decided I could quit and just ride in the cart! I guess when you lose 10 balls in the water in 5 freaking minutes they give you a hall pass. By this time I had come up with 45 other uses for my golf clubs, none of which I can mention here as I would not want to offend. But believe me I am certain half of them are illegal.

By hole 14 I started drinking beer. I was hoping to become numb to the whole experience. Make it go away...make it stop! I never knew that 3 grown men could be smart enough to come up with "witty" comment after comment about my golfing ability. I am gonna have to send them all flowers tomorrow.

And the experience didn't end when we were done golfing. Of course not. Dumb, Dumb, and Dumber all had to recount my miserable attempts to anyone in the pavilion that would listen. How many butts of jokes can one girl be? Apparently a lot!

When we got in the car to go home "R" reached over to hug and kiss me. I turned into Miss Ice Cube.

AM: Are you serious? You are so not getting any love from me again EVER!

R: *smile*

AM: And you owe me lots and lots and lots are we clear?

R: *smile*

AM: And I am never going to play golf again you got me?

R: *smile*

AM: WIPE THAT FREAKING SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!

R: Love you.

AM: *flipped him the bird*

And so people that was my day. I will forever be known to R's co-workers as the cute little girl who "thought" she could play golf. I fear never living this one down. I must be a great girlfriend or totally insane! Maybe it's a combo deal!

"R" is making me dinner tonight. That meal better come with a two hour back rub, some expensive wine, flowers, candy and a freaking sympathy card!

I won't post my golf score here...but I will tell you my lost ball count was somewhere in the 40's! Is that a record? For future reference people...I HATE GOLF!!!!!!

AM

AM’s Friday Fun Facts!

 

 

1. I am not a morning person!

I have been known to literally unplug the annoying alarm clock in an attempt to avoid the morning. If you are a smart cookie you will not speak to me for at least 30 minutes in the morning. If you are not “smart” you might hear words you don’t want to hear. After a little “quiet” time and a few cups of hot tea I am good to go!

 

2. I am highly addicted to the Sopranos!

I love my Sunday “Fix” of the Sopranos! I look forward to the new episodes like a child does a sugar rush! Tony and his crew are part of my Sunday ritual! If I miss an episode I feel a little sad! Lucy knows what I mean! But Lucy, I have yet to watch the Sopranos naked! Hopefully, soon! LOL!

 

3. I walk and talk in my sleep! (Shocker, huh?)

I have been known to carry on full blown conversations in my sleep. This seems to amuse those who have shared my bed! I sleep walk when I am really exhausted! I have woken up in my kitchen, living room, patio, and the scariest place was in my car! Thank God I didn’t attempt to drive!

 

4. I am the Queen of Nicknames!

I have nicknames for almost everyone in my life! I don’t know why I do this to my family and friends but they just fly out of my mouth and stick! I have about 10 nick names for my daughter! She probably doesn’t even know what her real name is anymore! LOL

 

5. I love Guacamole!

I do not know what it is about this yummy green concoction but I adore it! I could eat this stuff by the truck load! There is an amazing restaurant here in Dallas and they come to your table with about 15 ingredients and make it to order right in front of you! Love that place! Just typing this is making me crave some good guac!

 

Well, that’s it for this Friday! I hope you are all enjoying a wonderful day and that you all have a great weekend! Say a prayer that I survive the golf tournament tomorrow! LOL

 

Tootles Streamers!

 

 

AM

 

"Swinging through the air on a flying trapeze!"

Oh, shall I ever learn? There are certain things I should not do. I already know this, but for reasons only attributed to stupidity I keep thinking "I think I can, I think I can!"

Yesterday after school I decided to take DB roller blading at the local bike trail. She has been practicing for months now and can finally blade without hanging onto me. She is actually quite good at it.

All was well. The trail was beautiful and DB was blading with a grace that I must admit I was quite jealous of.

We were approaching a small hill. No worries. We had already passed over this hill twice with no problems whatsoever. DB and I were laughing and all was right in our little world. Should have known better.

Just as we are making our descent I hear a "Bark, Bark, Bark, Yip, Yap!" and as I look to my right there is a dog heading straight for us. Its owner is running frantically behind the dog screaming, "Danny Boy STOP!"

Danny Boy was not going to stop. The mere sight of the animal running straight towards us causes DB to reach forward trying to grab for me. She managed to grab part of my shirt, which caused me to lean back a bit and then....

Well, you know the rhyme....Jack and Jill went down the hill right? This time it was more AM goes skipping down the cement trail!

I am sliding or bouncing down the cement bike trail. I can feel the burn. I am not sure if bad words were coming out of my mouth at the time or if they were in my head. I am sure it was quite the sight for the bystanders around us.

I finally come to rest at the bottom of the hill. "Danny Boy" has made it to my side. He's standing there panting and cocking his head side to side. I believe he was laughing on the inside.

I look up for DB who has somehow by the grace of God remained upright and has come to a stop at my side. The owner of the dog arrives out of breath and is spewing out apologies.

I am feeling the joys of road rash! The back of my right leg and apparently part of my right butt cheek are now victims of cement burn. OH GAWD THE BURN!

You know what I am talking about. Cement burn is the worst. Remember when you were a kid and you would skin a knee on the sidewalk? There was never a lot of blood but the scrape and the burn were unbelievable! You would rather have a cut or a sprained bone!

The dog owner reaches out his hand to help me up. As I pull up I feel the skin being pried away from the cement. Maybe they should just leave me there. I am quite certain that part of my thigh and ass are still sitting there on the hill. Maybe I should go retrieve them??

I assure the dog owner (Cliff) that I am okay and it's no big deal. On the inside however I am cussing him out in my head and wanting to shake his hand and tell him "Thanks for the butt burn!"

DB and I hobble back to the car. Every step brings a sting and an "Ouch"! Funny a month ago I told DB to keep practicing her roller blading as I was afraid her and I would have an "accident" if she was still unsure on her feet. I should have realized that it would end up being me that would cause the accident on wheels!

I am just glad that DB was okay. Glad that Danny Boy was able to be so friendly and "introduce" himself in such a calm manner!

And I am even happier that I have to wear a dress today because pants and skirts seem to stick to my road rash and cause even more pain. I should have just showed up naked. That may have caused the office idiots to stay away from my office for a few hours!

The only thing worse was when "R" came over last night and I showed him the cement burn and told him the story....and the boy laughed until he had tears in his eyes. Glad my skinned thigh and ass are so amusing!

Going to get up and get a cup of tea. Hopefully my butt isn't literally "glued" to this chair!


AM

Okay, Streamers I am coming to you for a little of your input and wisdom!

"R" and I decided last night that he and I are going to take a vacation this summer while DB is gone for a few weeks. Some real grown up time! Bonus!

"R" said we could go wherever I want to go, and I thought this would make it easy to plan. But I find myself somewhat stumped. We want to go somewhere out of the states as between us both I think we have visited all 50 of them.

And we want to go some where neither one of us has been before to make it an even cooler adventure. So, I thought maybe you world traveling Streamers might have some good suggestions for vacation spots!

Here is a list of places we have already visited. If you can think of any spot that might peak our interest I would love to hear about it!

Places We've Been:

Vancouver
Quebec
London
Paris
Greece
Italy
Bahamas
Cancun
Cabo San Lucas
Puerto Rico
Acapulco
Cozumel
St. Thomas
Lima, Peru
Santiago
Germany

I think that is about it. We are pretty open people (as you guys well know!) and any suggestions you have would be appreciated greatly!

We will be taking 10 days so traveling too far isn't a problem. Looking forward to your input!

Hope everyone is having a great Wednesday! The week is half way over!

AM