Seems I have a little pack rat on my hands that has no idea what it means to part with anything.

I am working at home today and decided to set DB to a much needed task. Cleaning her room and getting rid of things she no longer plays with or wears.

I made a huge pile of stuff in the middle of the room. I told her to go through the pile and make a keep pile and a pile for the Women and cChildren's shelter. Seemed simple enough....should have known better.

DB was in her room for quite some time. She was quiet and "on task" which meant I could actually make some calls to clients. After about an hour she prances into my office and tells me she is done.

I walk into her room and the first thing I notice is that she has moved the big pile to the other side of the room into another big pile.

AM: I thought I told you to make two piles DB? One to keep and one to give away. Do you want to get rid of all of this stuff?

For a moment I am really proud. First of all proud because she wants to give her things to someone who needs them and secondly because she apparently is making HUGE progress in her pack rat problem.

She starts laughing.

AM: No way Momma. I decided I need to keep it all.

DB:

AM: DB that is not what I asked you to do. Most of this stuff you haven't played with in years and the clothes no longer fit you. We need to get rid of some of these things.

DB: I do to play with this stuff.

She reaches for a few games that are so dusty I start coughing. She goes through the pile explaining why she should keep each item.

She tries on some clothes that are so tight she looks like a Hoochie Momma.

DB: See Momma...this skirt still fits! *smiles*

AM: Your butt is hanging out DB! You can't wear that. Those clothes are all two sizes smaller than what you wear right now.

DB: That's not true! They fit fine.

AM:

DB: Let's keep them for the dress up box.

I look over at the dress up box which I made for her when she was 3...it's been over flowing for years now.

AM: No DB.

She is starting to get frustrated.

DB: If we give these clothes away are you going to buy me new ones?

AM: What???

This kid has more clothes than Paris Hilton. She has Aunts and Grandma's whose favorite hobby is shopping. She has more name brand clothes in her closet than any child should have.

DB: If I give this stuff away you have to replace it.

AM: No, I don't DB. If you are so blessed to have so much you should be happy to give away the stuff you no longer need to someone who can use it and needs it.

DB: Why don't they have their own stuff?

AM:

AM: DB you know there are a lot of children in the world who are not as blessed as you.

DB: It's not Christmas time Momma, we give stuff at Christmas time.

And then it hits me. This child has no idea what it means to give to others outside of the holiday season which is a huge problem with many people.

I try my best to explain to her why it is important to help others in any way that we can. I explain that we should not just do this during the holidays but throughout the year. She listens intently. I can see the wheels churning in her little head.

DB: Momma, if I have to give my stuff away to other children...what are they going to give me??

AM:

I have always given to different charitable organizations, but I realized that I usually go through DB's room to collect items when she is gone at school or something. She never misses the items...and now she is fully aware that someone is trying to give her stuff away.

I apparently have a lot of work on my hands. I need to find a way to show DB how important it is that we help other people. I need to make sure she is more involved in the process.

We have 3/4 of the pile now in bags for the Women and Children’s Shelter. She decided the remaining 1/4 is to be held onto for just a while longer.

I was going to take this stuff to the shelter on my own when she was gone tomorrow. Yet I just decided I will wait until Wednesday when she can go with me. I think it is crucial that she see first hand what I mean when I say other people are not as lucky as she is. It will be a big step in teaching her the importance of charity. I can only hope she understands after our visit there.

I think so many of our children just simply take so much for granted and assume that everyone lives the way that they do. Maybe we all need to take a second look at that...and make sure our kids know the value of helping others. It will be a gift we give them that they will carry through out their lives and pass onto their children.

I just realized I have a long way to go with DB. She just walked in here with a little note pad. I asked her what she was doing. She informed me that she is making her birthday list for next month so she can replace her stuff!

Lord help me!

AM

I have not been able to write for a week. I spent a few days just trying to sort out some thoughts and emotions and taking some much needed "me" time.

Then I spent the rest of the week on the business trip from Hell.

I had to go up to the East Coast to spend a few days with one of my Yankee clients. He is a nice guy but he lives and breathes in full speed. After the first day with him I was worn out.

Yankee man is all business from 9-5 but when the day is done Lord help those around him. He enjoys long and big dinners with lots of cocktails. Just as we are sitting there trying to digest the enormous amount of food we shoved into our bellies he starts getting his second wind.

Yankee man is one of our biggest clients. So it appears that usually these trips to see him entail a lot of ass kissing and pretty much catering to his ever whim. And believe me the man has whims!

The first night after dinner (which started at 7 and ended at 10) he wanted to take us to a cigar bar he frequents. I was exhausted with jet lag and had just put half a cow into my stomach, but what are you going to do?

I put on my best smile and "Oh sounds great!" attitude and my reps and I headed to the cigar bar. Everyone there knows Yankee man by name. He is larger than life and the whole smoke filled room lit up when he walked into it.

He introduces us to everyone...and I mean everyone. My head was spinning from so many hellos and nice to meet you's! It's drink after drink....I pretend to be keeping up, but I finally just start hiding them behind things or passing them off to my reps. If I had tried to keep up with the boys I would not be alive to write this.

Finally at 3 am Yankee man has decided it's time we should leave. THANK GAWD! I am practically running to the door. Bye, Hasta la vista, Adios! By the time I make it to my bed in the hotel room I smell like a dirty old man and feel like I have been run over by a big semi truck.

I get 3 hours of sleep. 3 short little hours before I have to get up and repeat the whole nightmare AGAIN!

This was the pattern for three days. By the time we got to the airport I seriously thought I might just pass out and hope I made it back to DFW somehow. My two reps were feeling the same way and they are younger than I am. We looked like we had been rode hard and put out wet! It was a sad sad sight!

"R" picked me up from the airport. We were supposed to go meet some friends of his for dinner and drinks. He took one look at me and said, "Look like we are having a DVD night."

DVD? Please. Looks like we are having a get AM's butt home and to bed as fast as you can night. I showered and I crashed and burned. Not a pretty sight I assure you.

I am thankful for Yankee man as he is one of my best clients. Yet, I am thankful that our face to face time is limited to 3-4 times a year. I fear any more than that and I would be a walking zombie.

Spent yesterday with DB at the pool doing nothing and loving it. I think I have sweat out all the liquor Yankee man poured down my throat and I no longer smell the sweet stench of cigar smoke. That's a good thing right?

Well, gotta go catch up with ya'll. It's been too long and I missed you guys. Hope everyone is having a great Sunday afternoon! Take care out there,

AM

I'm feeling a little bit quiet today; my thoughts seem to be of a melancholy nature this morning. My mood seemed to shift last night and has decided to stick around it seems.

I find myself being reflective this morning and thinking a lot about my friend who recently passed. I have felt his presence strongly the past few days.

It started with a dream I had Friday night. It was so vivid and I woke to "R" gently shaking me awake. Apparently I had been talking quite a bit in my sleep and was being restless.

For the record I talk a lot in my sleep. I have been known to carry on conversations in deep sleep often. Even though R knows this I think it still puzzles him sometimes.

My dream left me feeling a wide range of emotions. I had a hard time falling back asleep after that. In my dream I saw my dear friend. I have had two other dreams about him since he died, but this one was different. This time in my dream I knew he was gone; the last two dreams were more like memory flashbacks.

This time I knew he was no longer here and I remember feeling this incredible sadness as I approached him. He smiled at me and embraced me. I recall crying and asking him if he was okay. He would never speak to me, he simply smiled. I asked him if he could hear me when I talk to him, again he just smiled.

Though there was a great sadness in my heart, there was also a sense of calm that I cannot explain. It was as if he came to me to show me he was okay, as I find myself often wondering if he is. Sometimes I find myself talking to him in my mind. I am not sure that the reality of his death has truly soaked into me yet. There are days when I know he is gone and that I shall not see him again in this lifetime. Yet, there are days when I truly expect him to knock on the door and hang out for the afternoon.

It's weird the emotions you experience when losing someone you love. Sometimes I feel happy as I recall the time we shared together, other times I feel angry at the loss of such a wonderful young man, and sometimes I just feel like I do right now.....simply sad.

I woke this morning before anyone else. I needed some quiet time to myself and sleep has been eluding me. I kept R up until the wee hours last night. He was so tired, but I think he knew I needed to talk.

We had placed a bunch of blankets on the floor in the Living Room, and we laid there for hours talking. He finally drifted off to sleep and I sat there watching him for a while. And I was overcome with my love for him and found myself being truly thankful that I have him in my life.

R has a gentle way about him. I cannot describe it; there is just something about him that is calming and easy. He's one of the easiest people in the world to talk to and when you speak to him it is obvious that he is truly listening. It's obvious that he really "hears" you and is interested in what you have to say.

The past few weeks I have been really grateful for that in him. I have had a hard time opening up about the loss of my friend. Maybe on some level it's a denial of sorts. Or perhaps it is because it simply is just too painful for me.

R told me last night that I need to learn that it is okay to cry sometimes. I didn't realize until he started talking about it that I have always had an issue with crying. I have been that way since I was a young girl.

And I realize he is right. Sometimes I really need to just let myself feel the emotions instead of trying so hard to avoid them. I think Colo has me pinned on that part of my life. She and R are right...

I think I am going to go outside and enjoy the rest of the morning before the Texas heat sweeps in and makes outdoor activity too unbearable. I think I need some quiet time to sit and sort out these feelings...

You guys ever seen those stupid things that put beads in kid’s hair? It's a weird looking contraption and the concept is that it will wrap a string of beads around your childs hair. DB and her buddy decided to "bead" their hair today.

I was on the computer working when all of the sudden I heard this blood curling scream! I ran into DB's room thinking she was dying!

As I reach DB's room she is lying on the floor kicking and screaming and her friend is sitting there staring at her in disbelief. I rush over to her and I immediately see the problem.

My little hairdresser has somehow managed to "trap" a big wad of her hair in the bead machine. For a second I stand there puzzled as to how she did it.

Then my Mommy side kicks in.

AM: DB, honey you need to hold still so Mommy can look.

DB: *screaming* I can't hold still! It's eating my hair Momma! It's eating my hair!

I glance down and sure enough the stupid *beeping* bead machine is still "eating" her hair.

I reach for the Hellish contraption and try to turn it off. The darn thing apparently doesn't want to stop beading yet and keeps going. My little girl at this point is totally freaking out!

DB: Momma make it stop! It's going to eat my whole head and I will be bald Momma!

AM: DB, honey I need you to take a deep breath and hold still.

She looks at me with the devil in her eyes and her face is sweaty and streaked with tears.

DB: I AM HOLDING STILL! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!

I finally get the thing to turn off. Now it was time to assess the damage. DB is in full panic mode and writhing around like a fish out of water.

AM: Baby, I know you are upset, but Mommy needs you to hold still so I can get it out of your hair.

DB: Is it going to be stuck in there forever?

AM: *trying not to laugh* No, Sweetie. I will get it out.

I honestly had no idea how I was going to get it out of her hair. The machine had "eaten" up a whole chunk of hair instead of doing its job of wrapping beads around the hair. It was tangled in ways I cannot even explain.

I twist and gently tug and try my best to unwind it. The whole time DB is crying and telling me that I'm hurting her.

DB: What's takin' you so long Momma?

AM: DB, it's wrapped around your hair. I have to try and unwind it slowly so that Momma doesn't hurt you.

She looks at me with a "Whatever" stare. I smile nervously at her. I want to tell her this is the reason I told her never to use this machine without Adult Supervision, but I decide to save that for later.

I finally get the hair halfway out of the man eating toy. I realize at this point that there is no way in Hell that the rest of the hair is coming out. I know the only thing that shall save my child is a good old pair of scissors.

I get up to go get my clippers. DB looks at me and screams, "Momma don't leave! Where are you going?"

AM: I will be right back.

DB: OH GAWD MOMMA! GET IT OUT!

I get the clippers and head back into her room. DB looks at me and her eyes grow wide.

DB: Are you going to cut me?

AM: No baby I have to cut your hair.

DB: NO! NO! NO! You aren't gonna cut my hair.

AM: We don't have a choice baby your hair is stuck and it won't come out. Now I need you to hold really still.

She sits up off the floor and allows me to utilize the shears but she is not happy about it. The whole time I am trying to gently snip this thing out of her hair she is back talking the contraption as if it is her worst enemy.

Finally I get it out. DB stands up and grabs the bead machine from my hands and literally hurls it across the room!

Then she runs into the bathroom screaming about how her hair is ruined! The bead machine drama continues for a good half hour.

I have since placed the gadget from Hell in the trash bin. DB didn't argue she kind of gave it a wicked smile. I don't know how DB gets into these situations but somehow she does. Yet, I think it will be a very long time if ever that she will want beads in her hair. I think she may have even developed a fear of all hair styling products.

Another day....another adventure. Never a dull moment round here! Take care everyone!

AM

I am working at home today. We have a guest today....actually DB has a guest. It was unexpected, but this guest seems to be becoming a more permanent fixture in our home.

I'll call our guest "Julia". Sometimes in my mind I call her Eddie Haskell. There is just something about this little girl that always flashes me back to Leave it to Beaver.

She is a beautiful little girl, but one glance shows you that she is always scheming behind those pretty blue eyes. She and DB are a handful together. It's almost like Dumb and Dumber sometimes. I don't know how they convince one another to do some of the things they do.

Julia spends a lot of time at our house. Her parents are a piece of work.

Julia's Dad is some big shot corporate guy who apparently is only home when he has to be. I have only met him twice in 4 years and each time he was about as pleasant and "present" as a hemorrhoid.

Julia's Mom doesn't work. She says she is a stay at home Mom. Yet, it has become apparent through the years that "Stay at Home" is not part of the equation. Her job seems to involve martinis, shopping malls, nail techs, day spas and vacations to recover from all of the above.

Julia's Mom is what my friends and I call "North Dallas". Being called "North Dallas" is not a compliment. North Dallas women are all about appearances, money, nice clothes, money(Yes, I said it twice)...in other words everything materialistic. North Dallas women have their noses permanently stuck in the air, and are about as fake as one can get. They are so "plastic" that if you tossed a rock at them they would shatter.

Julia's Mom never attends any of Julia's school functions or after school activities. Somehow my friends and I have become Julia's carpool through the years. Julia's Mom has called me many times 10 minutes before school got out and begged me to pick up Julia as "time just got away from her"!

Through the years I have taken Julia and DB to the zoo, the park, movies, the mall, museums etc. Each and every time Julia says something to me along the lines of, "I wish my Mom would do fun stuff with me."

A few weeks ago "R" and I made the kids dinner and sat them down to eat. Julia asked if we ate at the table every night. DB rolled her eyes and replied, "Yes."

Julia just smiled and whispered under her breath, "Cool."

Julia is always dressed to the nines and her hair is perfect. She always comes over to the house with new video games and cool gadgets. And she always comes here lacking any grown up attention.

Some people seem to have kids just to have them. Some parents think that parenting ends at birth. Some people are just too self centered and "busy" to have children. This really makes me mad. There are some people who should simply NEVER be parents. And apparently they don't worry too much about it as they seem to find lots of other people to do the parenting gig for them.

Even though DB and Julia always get in trouble together and are the definition of high maintenance...there is something about Julia that has always been endearing to me.

Behind those beautiful clothes and scheming eyes I have come to see the real Julia. An 8 year old little girl who is truly lonely.

Young children need their parents. They need our time, our love, our attention. Giving love is not handing your child a new video game...love is the time you spend with them and the love you show them each and every day.

It saddens me to known that there are many "Julia's" out there. It angers me that some parents just don't care enough to see how important these impressionable and developing years are for a child.

Children may love having the coolest clothes and gadgets, but when it all comes down to it I think they would take the time and love we have to offer over anything you can buy in a store.

I can only hope that DB knows how lucky she is, and how blessed she has been in her life. And I can only hope that in the time Julia is here with us that she gets a little dose of the things she may not receive at home.

We just called Julia's Mom to see if she could spend the night. Of course Mrs. North Dallas readily agreed. Going to take the girls swimming for a little bit so they can burn off the sugar rush that has consumed them both!

Julia will most likely be here for a few days. Mrs. North Dallas has a problem with "time getting away" from her and sometimes apparently knows where I live when she drops Julia off but forgets my address when it is time for pick up.

But that's okay. There's always room for one more in my house. Besides too much quiet might send me into a state of shock!

Take care out there. And if you know a "Julia" take care of them too.

AM