Okay, so it's late and I cannot sleep. I had every intention to write here earlier today, but as with every other day life had other plans for me. Funny how that happens isn't it?
So I promised to write about the holidays. I think I am still in denial about them truly being over. At any moment I expect someone to rush in here and scream, "Merry Christmas! Come on be freakin' merry some more!"
When our family instantly grew this past year we decided to move into a big house with room for everyone. It was a good idea in hind sight, but I think what it really meant was we would have room for our new family and EVERY OTHER MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY WHO WAS ALIVE AND KICKING!
I love family, but MY GAWD don't ya think the people should know when the holiday festivities are over and they need to go home? By January 3rd I was like, "Okay people seriously....this holiday “thingy” has been great, but ya'll got to go! Please don't let the door hit you on your festive butts on the way out!"
I spent a majority of my holiday "down time" playing referee to what seemed a 100 children and 200 almost child like adults. Needing a moment or two of silence in the midst of the madness was like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. Wasn't happening.
Add to the mix my dear "R" and his male relatives who seemed to deem this chaotic break as a time to get in touch with their twisted inner child! It was like a mix of the Griswold’s, Nightmare Before Christmas, Scrooge, The Grinch, and the Wizard of Oz.
One of my favorite holiday moments came about two days after Christmas. I was in the kitchen for the 100 millionth time cooking breakfast when my "beloved" and his buddies Dumber and King of the Stupid People came bouncing into the kitchen.
R: Morning honey!
AM:
R: We're going to Home Depot.
AM: *color drains from face* Oh, no you are not!
R: Yup. Wanna come with us?
I looked around at my kitchen which resembled a hurricane site and rolled my eyes. I wondered what would be worse... cleaning up after the herd that was getting ready to eat or spending time with Dumb, Dumber, and King of the Stupid People in a Home Depot??
Come on people that was a no brainer!! I chose the Hell hole that was my kitchen. I didn't even ask why they were going there. I have started to learn that the don't ask don't tell policy works great in my house. Sometimes it's just best not to know. One will find out soon enough.
I am not sure how long the "crew" was gone. Time seemed to be irrelevant during the holidays. I can only remember the 5 zillion kids running into the house as if they had all just eaten 20 pounds of sugar and ran a marathon. It was chaotic screams of:
" Guess what we're going to do??"
I didn't want to guess. I wanted to get in my car and leave. Yet, one look out the window at Dumber's truck made me realize it was about time an "adult" started asking some questions.
I numbly walked outside being led by screaming hyped up kids. R looked at me and smiled. I know that look. That look of "Baby you are going to be so proud of me!" I never am...the boy is a slower learner than I am.
The truck was piled high with lumber. Wood of every shape and size and Dumber and KOTSP (short for King of the Stupid People) were dragging out power tools and "man" gadgets from the garage.
I should have just run away. Yet, I stood there looking like this:
R: We’re going to build the kids a tree house honey. Isn't that great?
AM: No.
R: And the whole family is going to help out.
He beamed with pride. My heart rose to my eye balls. My man, his crew of the Dumb, all those kids and power tools and ladders and freaking nails and stuff? It had bad idea written all over it. I think I almost fainted.
I didn't say a word. I walked slowly back into the house. I kicked my own butt as I screamed at myself, "YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED THEM WHY THEY WERE GOING TO THE DAMN MAN STORE, AM!!!!"
In moments R walked into the house. He was still beaming. I tried to smile, but it was hard to do.
R: Ya wanna help don't you?
AM:
R: I'll let you use the drill! *wink, wink*
AM:
I walked into the laundry room while he was describing the mansion of a tree house they were going to build and started digging through the cabinets. I had visions of an episode of Bob Villa’s This Old House gone terribly horribly wrong.
R: What are ya doing?
I quietly put the big first aid kit on the counter. It had already been used about 200 times over the holidays without the involvement of power tools. I silently wondered if I should call and tell the paramedics to be on stand by??
And so the building of the now infamous tree house began. And the rest of this story shall be told on another day as my yawns have kicked in. Looks like I put myself to sleep. Hope I didn’t do the same for you.
It's officially Monday people...have a good one. Hope all is well out there....take care...
AM
Make it stop....please! 
