Well, it's been a whirlwind of a weekend! It seems like I blinked on Friday and then it was Sunday! Where does the time get to anyway???

Doodle Bug had a slumber party Friday night, which makes for a happy content DB the next day!

Nothing like picking up your 8 year old, who has had 2 hours of sleep, and is detoxing from a sugar rush that could have killed a large elephant!

Oh Happy Days!

After I picked her up we headed to the soccer field for her practice. I felt very sorry for her team mates. The girl was on the verge of melt down just trying to stand up and kick the ball. And everything and I mean everything was ticking her off.

I had to have a little talk to her about sportsmanship in the car on the way home. I fear this conversation bounced off her sugar saturated brain cells like a game of pinball. My clue?? The constant rolling of the eyes!

Ok, I hate the eye roll thing. I hate it when big people do it, and it's even more annoying when a small child is doing it. I mean you might as well be telling me to go to Hell, or giving me the bird. In my book it's pretty much the same thing.

So, I got her home and made her go lay down. This was even more pleasant.

AM: You're so tired you need to go take a nap for a while.

DB: I AM NOT TIRED!

AM: Go take a little nap it will make you feel better, DB.

DB: *rolls her eyes* *mumbles something under her breath*

AM: What did you say?

DB: I didn't say anything. *rolls the eyes again*

AM: *biting my tongue* Honey, please go lay down.

DB: I am not TIRED!

Her voice gets really screechy like someone running their fingernails down the chalk board. I am trying to be patient, but alas the child is pushing the limit.

AM: Go take your stuff in your room and lay down please.

DB: Whatever.

AM: Young lady I don't care how tired you are you can not talk to me like that. Do you understand?

DB:

AM: Do you hear what I am saying to you?

DB:

AM: Go to your room now.

She picks up her stuff, still mumbling under her breath. I am sure she is just whispering sweet compliments to me, right?

Then I hear a BOOM! I walk over to her bed room and see her standing in the middle of the room. She has thrown her overnight bag right into the chair and it had fallen over and was now resting against the window.

AM: Did you throw your bag, DB?

DB: No.

AM: I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you throw your bag?

DB: *long pause of silence* No, it slipped out of my hand.

AM: Really?? It slipped out of your wee little hands and landed on the other side of the room, knocking that big chair over huh?

DB: That's what I just said.

AM:

DB is in rare form. Mommy is biting her tongue to the point it's bleeding and I am trying not to go ballistic on the little angry smart ass standing before me.

AM: You have about 2 seconds DB to pick up that bag and get on your bed and lay down.

DB: I AM NOT LAYING DOWN I AM NOT TIRED!

I walk across the room, pick her up (my back is killing me today) and carry her over to the bed and lay her down. She is now screaming and crying and in total utter break down. She doesn't even look like my child anymore. It's like a little evil lady who’s spewing out words that I can't even understand. I do however understand the occasional "stupid" she's throwing into the mix.

AM: You will stay in here until I come get you. I don't care if you sleep or sit here and scream at yourself. But you will stay in here AM I CLEAR?

DB: *gives me the raspberries* *rolls her eyes*

AM:

And that's when I just lost it. Not pretty guys, not pretty at all.

AM: Fine. You want to act like this DB? Fine. You are never going to another slumber party ever? EVER! Do you hear me? You're grounded, grounded from everything, everyone, and every place. You will ask me before you do ANYTHING! Anything DB! If you blink I wanna know about it. AM I CLEAR??

DB: *rolls her eyes* Whatever you big meanie pants!

AM, walk away from the child. Step away from the child.

I close her bedroom door and step into the hallway. I am so mad I am shaking. When did she develop this mouth? I don't think I have ever seen her so disrespectful. I need valium. That's what I need. Yes, just put me to sleep until she's out of college. That might be the only key to our survival.

All the while she is in her room crying and screaming and calling me the worst Mom ever. GAWD, that makes you feel so great on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Bring it on....give me more!

It continues for about 15 minutes, and then suddenly there is silence.

Do I approach the room? Do I holler her name and ask if she is okay? Has she thrown herself out of her bedroom window? Did her little brain hit overload and explode?

I walk slowly to the bedroom door. Nothing. All is quiet on the western front. I open the door inch by inch...and peek my head into the room.

And there is DB. Half of her little body is on the bed, the other half is dangling off the side. Her little red tear stained face is smashed and drooling into the pillow. I walk over to her and just as I do she lets out a snore.

Little Miss Not Tired has crashed and burned. I gently take off her soccer cleats and put her all the way up on the bed. I tip toe out of the room and go sit and gather my thoughts together.

It's a quiet afternoon. DB sleeps for almost 4 hours.

Okay, every Friday I have people asking me where my Friday Fun Facts are, so I decided I would give it a try.

I warn you though, I am not too interesting. So hopefully this post won't put you to sleep.

1. I love cheesy slasher movies, but the older movies. I will never tire of Friday the 13th, Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When a Stranger Calls...just to name a few.

What makes this weird is that I am totally squeamish, but for some reason I love Horror movies. Go figure!

2. My Mom almost named me Samantha because I was born right before Halloween and she loved the show Bewitched. *shaking head* The only reason my parents chose another name was because my Dad didn't want his only girl called Sam.

3. I have broken my right arm three times. The first time I was 3 years old and fell off a bar stool. When my Mom took me to the doctor I told him I fell off the bar stool. He looked at my Mom and asked her why in the Hell she had a 3 year old in a bar.

The second time I broke it I was in grade school and fell off my bike.

The third time was three years ago. I was running into the laundry room and there was water on the floor. I slipped, flailed up in the air, and landed on my elbow. My elbow was shattered and my poor arm was broken in 2 places. I was in a cast for almost 3 months and it sucked!

4. I have never had a speeding ticket. I have been pulled over but somehow have never been written a ticket. Must be my southern charm!

5. I never wear a watch. I have like 5 watches and never wear them. I cannot stand to have it on my wrist. So, I never know what time it is and it drives everyone around me crazy!

Well, there's my Friday 5! Thrilling huh? I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and a relaxing and enjoyable weekend! Take care out there in Blogger Land!

Had to share this Doodle Bug moment with you guys. I think you'll enjoy it.

DB takes a class at church on Wednesday nights. She is making her First Communion this Spring and this class is a requirement. She loves going...really.

Well last night when I went to pick her up from class and her teacher asked if she could have a word with me privately.

If you are a parent you know how those words can stop your heart and set your mind racing in circles. It's almost like you want to say, "No, no, you cannot have a word alone with me. Whatever it is I am sure I'm better off not knowing."

We stepped into the hallway all the while I'm thinking what the hell has DB done now?

Teacher: You know your daughter is quite a child.

AM: *nervous smile* (thinking in my head...DUH lady I live with her)

I hear that often and there is always something behind that DB compliment. Always.

Teacher: I was asking the kids in class today when they pray. I went around to each child and asked them to stand up and tell all of us when and where they pray.

AM: *biting nails* That's nice. *eyes darting about nervously*

Teacher: DB stood up and said she prayed before eating her meals and that you and her prayed together at night.

AM: Yes, yes we do.

I want to scream at this teacher and tell her to just get on with it as I know this is not where the story ends!

Teacher: *giggle* *giggle* And then DB said, wait, I'm sorry... hold on a second. *giggle* *giggle*

She is standing there laughing and I'm standing there with sweaty palms and a racing heart. I'm glad whatever DB did is amusing this lady so much.

Teacher: Well, then she said that her Momma prays all of the time. She told us you pray in the car, in the grocery store, after you leave your parents house, when you are cleaning. I was quite impressed.

What the hell is this lady talking about? More importantly what is DB talking about? I've yet to see the humor and if this is the whole story the lady needs to find her sense of humor. Apparently she has lost it.

Teacher: And then she told us that you pray so much because you are always saying "Jesus" and "Jesus Christ". *giggle* *giggle*

AM: Gasp!

I'm bright red at this point and this lady is now laughing so hard it's echoing through the hallway attracting all kinds of awkward stares! My Lord! My sweet 8 year old thinks Momma's praying all of the time because she has a potty mouth. OH GAWD!

AM: I'm sorry. I mean I guess...Errr...Ummmm...I wasn't aware that I...well,

Come on people there just aren't words for this moment. How do you explain to the Church Teacher that you may or may not use the word "Jesus" and "Jesus Christ" now and then?

You may or may not use it when the guy in front of you cuts you off in traffic, or when your Mother has just spent 3 hours nagging you, or when something drops and breaks in the house, or when I hurt myself because I am a klutz (which is so freaking often)???



Teacher: I can't wait to share this story with the other teachers. They will get a big kick out of it.

I'm thinking she better stop laughing or I'll give her a "kick"!!

Great now every time I go up to DB's church class it will be amongst giggles, stares and whispers...

"Look, look there's the lady that prays all of the time."



Guess this is my sign from God that it's time to clean up my mouth before DB starts thinking her Momma's some weird prayer addict.

Never a dull moment. Not one. Anyone else out there pray to "Jesus" as often as I do??

Well, on a serious note my attorney called today. It appears the judge would like Dirt Clod and I to try and reach an agreement before our court date. This judge must have a crack habit! I’m certain he was high or drunk when reviewing our case and coming to this intelligent conclusion.

 

(Mental Note To Self: Run for Judge, AM. It apparently takes no brain power!)

 

Does this guy think that in the past 2 years that I haven’t tried to reach an agreement with a loser who owes almost 30,000.00 in child support, and who dropped health insurance and quit paying medical bills?

 

Does this idiot realize that if Dirt Clod resided in the state of Texas right now that he would be in jail for owing this much money??

 

Why is my life surrounding me with complete morons this week??

 

Someone must not like me.

 

This whole situation really pisses me off! My attorney says we will meet with Dirt Clod and his obnoxious attorney a day or two before our court date. I told her this was a waste of time and freaking money! (I have spent 10,000.00 in 8 years on attorney fees because of this loser.) The judge did order him to reimburse all my legal fees but that took two years to collect as well.

 

This situation just gets under my skin. I think it’s ridiculous that single parents have to keep going back to court with losers who simply choose not to take care of their responsibilities. I think they should just throw them all in jail and then I bet they would change their tune in a heart beat.

 

I’ve heard what they do to child abusers in jail. I think Dirt Clod should be required to see this first hand. Throw him in the middle of the jail with a sign on his back that reads:

 

I’m a child abuser. Kick my ass…over and over again!

 

I am quite certain after a week or two of his “vacation” in a Texas jail, he’d be throwing that child support at me and thensome.

 

So, now not only do I get the “pleasure” of seeing this asshole in court, but now I get the BONUS of spending time with him in a conference room! God, someone pinch me! I’m so lucky I must be dreaming!

 

Sorry to vent, but my blood pressure was rising.

 

Breathing in and out!

 

It just chaps my ass that Dirt Clod got 10 years Deferred Judification for THREE FREAKING counts of CHILD ABUSE, owes 30 grand in CHILD SUPPORT, and is still is enjoying the high life in his beach front house!

 

No wonder the jerk wad is so arrogant… he thinks he’s “Untouchable” and for good reason. For 8 years now he has been, and I am starting to think he always will be.

 

I wonder how he sleeps at night knowing that he almost took the life of his own daughter???

 

I’m sure it crosses his one brain cell in-between vacations, the country club, his 21 year old whore, and the new cars he drives to look “pretty”.

 

I know I sound bitter tonight. Quite frankly I am. I am tired of this game. And I refuse to keep giving more of my time to the “Devil’s Own”.

 

I’m going to have a glass of wine! Hell, I might just skip the glass and drink it straight from the bottle! Pretty picture isn’t it?

 

Grrrrrrrrrr! Anyone have any asshole repellent?

 

 

 

 

 

It's Wednesday, and I am glad to have reached this milestone day! How I survived to this point shall remain a big mystery!

"R" brought me flowers at home last night. He's such a sweetheart. I guess I may or may not have been "bitching" about work the past few days. Me? Bitch? Maybe.

He was heading to go out of town today for business and it was nice to see him for a few hours. He seems to easily melt away the days "stresses" with his smile and quick wit.

Somehow we got on the subject of this blog. I had not mentioned it to him prior, and it just kind of came out of my mouth. He took a double take at me, and then the devilish little smile I adore crept across his face.

As soon as I said it I was trying to change the subject. It's not that I don't want him to know that I have a blog....I just don't want him to read it! Is that terrible???

There was no changing the subject.

R: Wait, wait, you have a blog?

AM: Blog? No, I said frog. I have a frog.

R: So, what's this blog thing about?

AM:

R: Come on tell me. What do you blog about?

AM:

R: Come on we should be open about everything right? You can tell me.

His smile is the only thing preventing him from laughing at me.

AM: Hush. I don't want to talk about it.

R: Let me read it.

AM: No. No. It's really boring, and I am sure it'd be of no interest to you.

R: You wrote about me didn't you?

AM:

R: What did you write? Anything good, anything juicy??? Come on AM let me read it.

AM: No. Not happening dude, let it go.

R: Have you ever known me to let go of anything?

AM:

R: So, show me.

He walked over to my lap top. He looked back at me in the chair as if I would suddenly jump up and say, "Yes, sweetie...read my blog. Read what I write about you..please....please!"

R: Come on...you can do it. Come on.

AM:

R: You aren't going to show me are you?

Duh dude! I mean this guy knows me. Hell, we were friends for 6 years before we started dating! He may be persistent but I am as stubborn as they come. I can hold out as long as he can. Suddenly I realize I have just created the ultimate battle of wills! Damn!

R: Maybe I'll start a blog.

AM: Cool for you. *picking at my fingernails*

R: I might write about you, I might not.

AM: Sounds great. Blogging is a creative outlet. *picking the fuzz off my sweater*

R:

He's fidgeting and glancing back at me and then the computer. He suddenly takes a serious tone, which is truly rare for the chap.

R: Come on. I'm just giving you a hard time. I want to see what you write about.

AM: No.

He smiles at me because he knows I mean it, and I smile because I can see the wheel churning in his head. He's trying to figure out how to squeeze it out of me.

He comes to sit beside me. He gets cuddly and sweet. He changes the subject for a while, lightning up the mood. This is sweet and I love when he's close like that. But I've known him for 6 years, and I know that he's just trying to sweeten me up a bit.

A good hour or so passes and he gets up to leave. We hug and kiss and talk about what we might do this weekend. I tell him to be safe on his trip and to call me today.

He agrees. I walk him to the door. He goes in for one last hug and whispers in my ear:

"Baby, you know I'll get it out of you don't you? It's only a matter of time. *soft giggle*"

AM: Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Time will tell. But I wouldn't hold your breath sweetie...you might turn blue and pass out.

R:*giggle* Which one of us can hold out longer?

AM: Oh, sweetheart....how naive you truly are. It makes you so endearing to me.

He pulls back from me.

R:

I smile and open the door. He looks at me and smiles. Gawd the boy has a pretty smile!

He's walking down the sidewalk to his car and I hear him say, “You have no idea what you’re up against, Baby!"

And he's right. This is in no way over yet. There was already an email from him today. He won't let it go. Oh well, for some freakish reason I derive joy from this. I think it plays to my devious evil side!

Am I wrong not to let him read this blog? Am I being stupid???? Tell me what ya'll think.

Time to go visit with the Village Idiots!